


as the weeks go

by stroganoff



Category: TOMORROW X TOGETHER, TXT (Korea Band), TXT - Fandom
Genre: Alternate Universe - Pre-Canon, Angst, Canon Compliant, Canon Related, Coming of Age, Crushing, Domestic, Domestic Fluff, Drabble, Drabble Collection, Eventual Relationships, Eventual Romance, Firsts, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Humor, Friends to Lovers, Friendship, Friendship/Love, Hurt/Comfort, Kissing, M/M, Mild Angst, Mild Hurt/Comfort, Minor Violence, Mutual Pining, Pining, Pre-Canon, Protectiveness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-09
Updated: 2019-07-05
Packaged: 2019-11-14 11:25:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 25,707
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18051629
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stroganoff/pseuds/stroganoff
Summary: a small slice of the days shared between soobin and huening kai since their debut from completing each other's hearts at fan signs and holding hands





	1. the time Soobin kept dragging Huening kai after their first fan meet

**Author's Note:**

> omg ok so basically soobin and huening kai has gotten on my NERVES lately cause they're too sweet wtf!! so i decided to write canon parts to whatever i see them do like that time bin was holding kai's hand up the stairs going to mcountdown or whatever. well here u go here's today when he kept dragging kai around after their fan meet. hope u enjoy

 

The manager had told them to line up and take a final picture before leaving the venue and as leader, Soobin knew it was his job to get his members into order. Yet, as he stared back to the four other boys, he saw Yeonjun already wrestling Taehyun and Beomgyu into position which left him the youngest at his disposition. 

 

Before he could even think, his arm had reached out and circled the youngest’s wrist with his fingers. He hopes the boy doesn’t realize how clammy his hands are. Soobin thinks he can hear a soft ‘hyung,’ but in the midst of screaming fans and a busy manager, his mind hadn’t given him the time to assess anything else beside his duty as a leader. 

 

It goes for a while, Soobin dragging Huening kai wherever their manager pointed at and posing for a number of cameras. He knows that he should—maybe—use his words instead of manhandling the baby of the group, but it has only been a few days since their debut and Soobin knows he is no leader compared to Namjoon-hyung who had a full five years under his belt. 

 

When it’s all done, the manager had ushered them to the car. As the boys bowed one last time, he feels a pair of eyes glance his way, but he fixates his gaze on the line of fans cheering for them and felt the weightlessness that came with living your dream. 

 

The boys had piled into the car eventually, nearly leaving Beomgyu who had spent extra time bowing and waving at the fans before joining them at the very back of the van. 

 

“I’m so tired, but after hearing them cheer for your stupid aegyo, hyung, I felt revitalised,” chirped Beomgyu as the car pulled away from the square. Soobin rolled his eyes. 

 

He shifted in his chair and turned to face the boy before he replied, “I’m so tired, but after seeing you I just get more tired.”

 

The van erupted in laughs except for Beomgyu who pouted and poked at Taehyun beside him to stop laughing. 

 

“Yah, Huening-ah, why are you holding your wrist like that? Did you get hurt?”

 

At Yeonjun’s inquiry, all laughter ceased and the boys turned expectantly towards the youngest who sat next to Soobin by the window seat. 

 

“Ah,” Huening kai started, “it’s nothing, hyung.”

 

Soobin was quicker this time and caught his hand. Only when Heuning met his eyes did Soobin start to speak. 

 

“Didn’t we talk about this? You need to tell us if something’s wrong.”

 

“Hyung, um, it’s nothing serious, really…”

 

Soobin didn’t relent. Instead, he had turned his entire body to face the youngest, caging him between the window and himself. If Huening is surprised by his antics, he didn’t show it. 

 

“It’s a team effort, and there’s no hiding things from your team, Ningning,” Soobin spoke softly. 

 

For a quick second, he felt as though his soul had been ripped from the present and transferred back to years ago, back when they were told Huening made it into the team and the kid had worked himself to exhaustion Soobin had to intervene and drag him from the practice room. The feeling was gone as quick as it came and looking up at him now was a taller version of that scrawny kid back then. 

 

Then, Huening sighed. 

 

“Fine,” he said, “my wrist kinda hurts because hyung kept pulling at me when manager-manager-nim was telling us to take the photo and you were too strong…”

 

Huening’s voice fades as he reaches towards the end until all what’s left was a whisper. Soobin blinks then suddenly he felt exactly three pairs of hands slapping his back. 

 

“Hyung! How could you hurt him like that,” Taehyun shrieked, “he’s delicate!” 

 

“You are literally the same size, Taehyun-ah, but yeah! Soobinie, what the hell? I thought we agreed you were going to be softer with everyone after what happened last time,” Soobin’s hyung called out. 

 

Beomgyu, being the liveliest of the bunch, had him in a loose chokehold and repeatedly kept yelling in his ear to apologise. Somewhere at the front, their manager is screaming at them to tune it down and for the three to sit back in their seats. 

 

Even in this chaos, Soobin’s mind kept prioritizing and at that moment the only thing that mattered was Huening. 

 

“Oh my god,” he sputtered dumbly, “oh god. I’m so sorry, Ning-ah. Huening, hyung is so sorry. I didn’t realise I pulled on you that hard.”

 

“Hyung, it’s fine. It’s just a bit itchy that’s all.”

 

Soobin opens his mouth then closes it only to open it again. “Please, let me see it. I need to.”

 

“Hyung, you really don’t have to. I’m sure it’ll go away after I shower…”

 

“Ning, please.”

 

Soobin catches the younger’s eyes and tried his best to hide the aching concern blossoming in his chest, right beneath his rib cage between his heart. After a heartbeat, Huening rolled his pink sweater up on one side and gave Soobin his wrist. 

 

While it wasn’t much, there was a fading pink blotch on the boy’s pale skin and Soobin feels like kicking himself for being such a shitty leader but an even shittier hyung. 

 

“I, Huening…Hyung is sorry.”

 

“I know,” Huening whispers. The boy raised his other arm and placed it on top of Soobin’s and grasped his fingers that were holding his wrist previously. “I’m fine, hyung. I was just itchy, okay? See? Look, it’s not even bruising.”

 

While Soobin refused to look at the wrist, he decides to believe the younger’s words and smiled at him. “Okay.”

 

Huening’s smile is softer than the fluff of brown hair on his head and the clouds that painted the clear sky outside the van. Soobin feels like doing something stupid because his rapid heart won’t stop beating erratically and it’s making him dizzy.

 

“Cute! Now hug it out,” Beomgyu whooped. 

 

It was Huening who opened his arms first and Soobin took the invitation without a moment’s pause, hooking his chin on the youngest’s shoulder. The heat from the outside air diffused past the window behind Huening, but Soobin knows that isn’t the reason why he feels his face heat up. 

 

Huening seems to be doing fine, he notices, the younger had wrapped an arm around his waist and the other was patting his head as if their roles had been reversed. After a second, Soobin released his hold on the boy and the rest of their members cheered before going back to their own conversations with the staff and each other. 

 

Soobin’s neck feels incredibly hot, even more so now that he realises Huening is staring at him. 

 

“Hyung,” he calls softly, just enough for him to hear without alarming the rest. Soobin hums in question. 

 

“You were really handsome today.”

 

Still, Soobin keeps his eyes trained at the road in front of them, which he can only see from the slit between the driver’s seat and the passenger’s seat two rows in front of them. 

 

“You think so?” he asks instead. 

 

Huening hums in approval, even nodding his head. “Really handsome. Especially when you were doing all that aegyo. The most handsome. That’s why the fans cheered so loud for you.”

 

Now, Soobin’s sure his ears must be as red as his cheeks. 

 

He can’t be this lame, he thinks, he’s the hyung for god’s sake. So, he finally turns his head sideways to search for the younger’s gaze. When he found them, he was struck by how earnest the boy’s eyes were. There was nothing but pure honesty and admiration pooling in a hazel sea. 

 

Soobin’s strengths were never with words, but he’s working on it to become a better leader, so he mutters out, “You’re cute, today. With the pink and all. Suits you.”

 

“Really?” 

 

Soobin nods once and it feels as though Huening had burst beside him with the way his grin practically beamed actual rays of sunlight. The youngest searches for his hand then clasped it in his. 

 

“Ah, but hyung is most handsome just now.”

 

“Just now? Huh? Why, what did I do?” Soobin asked, brows furrowed. As far as he knew, he hadn’t done anything exceptional besides fucking up as a hyung and leader at once. 

 

Huening’s interlocking their fingers now, his gaze transfixed on them. “Just now. When hyung cared for me.”

“What do you mean? I’m your hyung, isn’t that what I’m supposed to do?”

 

“Yeah,” mumbled Huening, “but you just look really handsome while doing it. I like it when hyung looks out for me.”

 

“Oh,” Soobin let out, eyes dumb and unknowing. “Um, alright. I… like looking out for you?”

 

Soobin was probably the sore thumb compared to the rest of the members. He was tall and shy but his big demeanor screamed otherwise. He was never the first to socialize and his nervous antics made him binge on food he shouldn’t even be eating in the first place. But when Huening grins once more before reaching up to peck him on the cheek hastily then burrowing into his shoulder, Soobin knows that there is nowhere else he’d rather be—blushing, speechless, nervous, and all. 

 


	2. their first fan sign

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> basically the start of the "sookai" heart saga

The fan sign was… something else, really, Huening couldn’t fully grasp the idea that all these people came to see _them_. Some five little boys who were brand new into the industry of so many talented people worthy of their attention, yet his _fans_ (he actually has those now, who would’ve thought) are cheering for him and his members. Them. 

 

It’s something he can’t fully describe and as he goes through the list of fans lining up to meet them, shake their hand, then eventually part ways, he thinks of the restless nights in the dorm within the confines of their shared bedroom. Huening believes he can still hear Taehyun’s snores above him or was that yesterday? Maybe it was last night, who knows? 

 

“Huening kai, can I call you oppa?” 

 

Huening snaps out of his reverie and focuses on the girl—well, woman—in front of him. His hand stills. Realistically, he knows that this whole “oppa” kink culture came with the job. Jeongguk hyung had told him as much when they were on the brink of their debut, but experiencing it himself was an entirely different ordeal. 

 

It’s nothing against the Korean culture that is his own, but something nasty wells up within his throat when he sees how her age was so well defined by the woman’s features. Her lips, although red and lively, were pruned at the sides framed by lines that can only be caused by decades of life. Huening doesn’t believe that she’s anymore above twenty-five, but it’s still weird to hear the suffix tacked on his name by someone he should be paying his respects to.

 

He laughs, and even he wasn’t convinced by how fake it was. “Um, sure, but don’t you think I’m too young?”

 

“But you’re so handsome,” she cooed, hands hovering above the album he was signing. For a second, he really thought she was going to reach out and cup his face when suddenly someone interrupted their conversation with a laugh. 

 

“Ah, noona, you can call me oppa anytime, I like it,” the leader said from beside Huening. 

 

The woman in front of him swooned, eyes gleaming with an equally bright smile. 

 

“Gosh,” she starts, “don’t play with my heart like that, Soobin oppa. I might just try to steal you.”

 

Soobin merely grinned in response before returning to the fan in front of him. Huening eyes his hyung for an extra beat but immediately ducked his gaze when Soobin’s head turned towards him. 

 

“Here you go,” he said, handing the album back to the woman with a smile, “thank you for supporting us.”

 

“You’re so cute,” the woman replied instead before moving on to the next member. 

 

It is weird, Huening defends himself, being placed in such position. But the way Soobin handled it seemed like it was the most naturally thing ever. Resting his chin on his hand, Huening sighed as he watched his hyung burst out in a giggle from a fan’s compliments and wondered if he would ever be like him. 

 

As the event dragged to an end, the members became even more giddy and attempted their best to entertain the crowd in front of them before it was time to go. Beomgyu was bouncing off the walls, cracking jokes and holding conversations with the fans while Yeonjun charmed every girl’s heart by calming down that one crying fan. 

 

Huening caps his marker, ready to call it a day as he waved to the fans, when Soobin catches his wrist.

 

“You okay?” he asked, tone soft and worrisome. If they were alone, Huening might have just slumped onto him for comfort but there was a certain limit that he knows even he can’t cross when it comes to fan service. 

 

He nods instead. “Yeah, hyung. I’m fine. Let’s greet the fans.”

 

Huening takes Soobin’s arm and leads him to the front of the table just in time for Taehyun to hand them mics from the staff. 

 

“Everyone,” Yeongjun greets, which was immediately responded with a chorus of “yes.” “Did you have fun today? I did, I was so happy to be able to meet you all finally.”

 

“Yes! Me too,” interjects Beomgyu, “everyone was so pleasant and nice. I wish we didn’t have to go.”

 

“Sadly, we have a really busy schedule,” the leader continues and Huening watches him from the side, marvelling at how well he holds the room’s attention. “So we’ll pose for a few final pictures. Should we do the heart pose?”

 

The crowd shrieked in excitement and Soobin does his eye-smile which only made them cheer harder. Huening can relate. 

 

The members move towards the centre of the stage, already attempting to assemble themselves into a heart much like they saw their sunbaenims do in their fan signs.

 

“No, Beom, I think you’re supposed to connect your arm to—wait, Taehyun-ah, like this…”

 

It took them five minutes, but they eventually managed to arrange their limbs into a lopsided heart. It doesn’t matter, though, the crowd still cheers for them and Huening smiles and attempts to make eye contact with all the DSLR lenses he sees in the room. 

 

After the final pose, their manager whispered to Huening to wrap it up and he forwards the message to the rest of his members. 

 

“Everyone,” Huening addresses the crowd, “it’s time for us to go…Thank you for coming out to support us! We love you!” 

 

The members beside him all call out their ‘love yous’ while shaping different hearts with their fingers. Yeonjun even tried to make a half upside-down heart, which had the audience laugh fondly at him and more DSLR clicks were heard around the room. 

 

To his left, he sees Soobin hold up half a heart with his right hand while his left was pre-occupied with the mic. 

 

His fingers itch, then before he knew what was happening, he had already raised his arm to match with Soobin’s half-heart. 

 

“What…” Soobin mutters, mouth pouting in confusion before he saw the heart formed between their two fingers. The leader grins, throwing his head back into full laugh, eyes twinkling with amusement. 

 

Huening doesn’t know what to say. He doesn’t think he can form anything with his mouth with the way his heart is racing in his chest so instead he smiles at the leader while the rest of the room cooed at the both of them. 


	3. soobin keeps glaring at huening kai during their first v live

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FIRST OF ALL = thank you sooo much for the positive feedback i've received so far. it truly does mean a lot to me that you guys are commenting and liking this thing especially since it was never meant to be a /thing/ and more of a space for me to dump my feelings about soobin and hyuka. so i hope that this story will only grow as txt does too :)
> 
> also this... was never meant to be this long... also if you guys want to talk about sookai hit me up on twitter @FAIRYJ00N
> 
> hope u guys enjoy!

Soobin, despite his charismatic facade in front of fans, is a very private person. So private that none of the other members could tell between his antics despite their years of training together.It isn’t that he’s unwilling to share about himself, but rather finds it unnecessary to do so. Despite this, his body is way more reactive than anything else he holds inside it, which is why fans rushed to speculate about why he was “glaring” at the youngest member of the group. 

 

He scrolls through the searches and finds multiple tweets embedding the same thirty-second video of him throwing a dirty look at the youngest, which is only reciprocated with a boyish grin that Soobin knows all too well.

 

“It’s so funny, hyung,” Taehyun quips from the sofa, “the fans are making so many jokes about it I feel like I’ve bruised my left lung.”

 

“I’ll bruise your side if you don’t stop talking about this right now,” he says back. Taehyun only laughs harder. 

 

“What’s with all the noise?” 

 

The two turn their heads towards the eldest member who walked out of the bathroom with a bandana secured across his forehead, keeping the wild locks of hair from touching the mask on his face. Before he could even defend himself, Taehyun had launched himself at Yeonjun and shoved his phone towards the oldest member. 

 

Yeonjun laughs, “Oh, this. I saw it yesterday. What were you even doing?”

 

Soobin feels the rush of blood flood into his cheeks and so he dives into the sofa, head first, before burrowing his face in between the throw pillows his parents gave as a gift for his debut. 

 

He faintly hears the soft pitter-patter of feet coming his way, but he’s stubborn through and through, so he only forces his head even deeper into the cushioning. When he feels Yeonjun’s hands rake his hair backwards with a soft chuckle, the boy kicked his legs into the sofa. 

 

“I wasn’t even glaring at him!” he exclaimed, the last end becoming muffled as he planted his head back into the sofa. 

 

“We know,” Yeonjun starts, “you don’t have to defend yourself. I’m sure it was nothing, right, Taehyun?”

 

Taehyun hums and from below Soobin can hear the sound of a choked grunt before Taehyun verbally agrees. 

 

“Yeah, hyung. I’m sure the fans didn’t think you were being mean.”

 

“I’m not worried about that, they’re gonna think I’m a bad hyung or a stupid one like a child.”

 

Yeonjun gawks at this. “But you are a child? By every physical mean, you are the definition of a child. And I don’t mean that in a negative way. So what, the fans are really observant? I’m sure you were just thinking about how hungry you were.”

 

“Hyung is always thinking about how hungry he is,” Taehyun grumbled before being poked by their elder. “I mean, yeah. Maybe that.”

 

After a while, Soobin reemerges from the mountain of pillows below him. Taehyun had gone back to scrolling through his phone while Yeonjun opted to lounge next to him, lifting Soobin’s legs into his laps as he seated. 

 

“Do you think Huening has seen them?” he asks after a beat passes. Yeonjun shrugs, hands coming down to pat Soobin’s exposed calves. 

 

“Maybe? Maybe not? Who cares, we all know that what the fans speculate isn’t always real. We have more trust in each other than what we read online, right, leader?”

 

“Huh? Oh. Right. You’re right. I didn’t mean it like that… it’s just, maybe he thought me funny too?”

 

“But, Soobin, you are funny.”

 

Yeonjun had lowered himself to Soobin’s eye-level before pinching Soobin’s cheeks as hard as he could, which had the leader swatting at sweater-clad arms. 

 

“What if he thinks I’m weird?”

 

“Soobin, he was literally at the receiving end of whatever look you decided to throw during the V Live. If there was anyone with any credible source about what you looked like then, it was him.”

 

Soobin sits up then, tucking his feet beneath his butt to face his hyung. Yeonjun had occupied himself with the skin on his arm, poking and prodding like no tomorrow. 

 

“Yeah, but,” Soobin starts again only to be interrupted by Yeonjun. 

 

He says, “Binnie, if you’re that worried, why don’t you ask him yourself?”

 

“Oh, my god, hyung!”

 

“What? What’s the worst thing that could happen?”

 

Soobin’s eyes bulge wide, arms thrown apart in exasperation. “He could hear me!” 

 

“Soobin-ah,” Yeonjun sighs, “fine, then. Why don’t you try to trace back your day and see if you can figure out what you were thinking at the time so you can come clean to Ningning, even if I don’t think he’s even bothered by it, but sure.”

 

_Traceback his day_ , huh? But where would he start?

 

Obviously, he had woken up just a few minutes past the crack of dawn so that he could get the earliest shower slot (they all share the same bathroom and it’s messy and disgusting after two members.) 

 

After getting ready, they were ushered out of the house to head over to the Big Hit building to practice. But nothing really happened with Huening during those practices, save for that one time Soobin caught Huening on his phone and _oh_. 

 

Now he remembers. 

 

They had just finished the seventh rundown of Blue Orangeade and after a quick monitoring discussion with their choreographer, the staff had let the boys take a ten-minute break to recuperate since it was nearing dinner anyway. 

 

After bowing to the staff, each member had taken his own pastime preference. Yeonjun, for example, Soobin saw was leaning against the glass wall and hunched over himself over a mobile game Soobin can’t recall too well.

 

“Ah, Beomgyu hyung,” Taehyun whined from where he was sprawled across the practice room floor, “that’s not fair.”

 

“I mean it’s up to you, or you can go ride the bus with Hyuka to school.”

 

Taehyun groaned, throwing his arms out in faux exasperation. “But Hyuka doesn’t even _go_ to the same school as us!” 

 

“You can,” Beomgyu hums, dramatically looking up at the ceiling as if he was thinking about what to say next, “get transit bus. Those exist, you know. Right, Hyuka?”

 

Soobin’s gaze scanned around the room until it fell on the maknae, though he and the members became quietly surprised when the boy hadn’t responded to the question.”

 

With no reply still, Beomgyu merely rolls his eyes and went back to slumping on top of Taehyun, creating an impromptu puppy pile at the centre of the room. 

 

Soobin furrowed his brows when Huening _still_ hasn’t looked away from his phone and decided to intervene when he saw the younger start to blush at the device. 

“Ningning,” he called before ceremoniously dropping to the floor beside the youngest. “What are you doing?”

 

“Ah, hyung,” Huening greeted him. The small manoeuvre of his phone didn’t leave Soobin’s sight unnoticed. 

 

“What are you looking at?”

 

“This? Oh, nothing. Just… chatting with someone?”

 

And because Soobin has no self-control (he does, just not around the youngest or food apparently) he asks, "A friend from school?”

 

“Oh, no. Just, this girl.”

 

At this, Soobin straightened up and pivoted his body until he was fully facing the boy. 

 

“Seriously,” he gaped, “a girl? What? From where?”

 

Huening sighed and finally looked up at his hyung, his phone pressed firmly against his own thigh. 

 

“Just a girl I used to date, that’s all,” he said. 

 

Soobin knew it was none of his business, but something so similar to bile felt like it was making itself known at the back of his throat. He is sure his faced soured so he tried his best to remain stoic in front of the boy. He blinked. Once, twice, and then when he finally processed the information he opened his mouth to speak only for Huening to beat him to it.

 

“Look, I know that the company doesn’t allow us to date and I’m not, I swear, hyung. I care about the members more… but she just texted me out of nowhere so I replied… hyung?”

 

At this point, Soobin doesn’t really know how to act. He’s not sure where to look or what to say and, even worse, what to do when Huening looks at him with those deep set of eyes blemished by guilt and worry. He nodded then sat back down next to the boy.

 

He said, “I’m sure you won't jeopardize the group in any way.”

 

“Yeah,” Huening shook his head, “never.”

 

“So, will you go meet this girl again?”

 

“What do you mean?”

 

“Well, don’t past-lovers usually get back together? Especially if you guys are still so young, right?”

 

Huening frowned. “I’m not sure where you got that idea from, hyung, but the girl and I are just friends and I don’t want to date her. I’m sure she doesn’t have those feelings for me anymore, anyway.”

 

“Aish, what are you saying? Hyung is sure that girl of yours is still _enchanted_ by your ‘charms’.”

 

“Hyung!” Huening gasped, scandalised. The boy looked around the room and only when he realised the other members were too preoccupied to pay attention to their conversation did he slap Soobin’s thigh slightly. “Why are you like this?”

 

Soobin shrugged. Looking back, he saw how ugly the next few lines to come out of his mouth were and he wished he could go back to prevent himself for acting so…unprofessional towards his teammate. But things with Huening were never just about work. 

 

“I don’t know. You keep talking about how charming you are, and you know that. Everyone loves you.”

 

“Hyung, I don’t—first of all, I’m not getting back together with her because of the company regulations. Second of all, I’m not getting back with her because our relationship was never a good one.”

 

_Never a good one? My ass,_ Soobin thought. 

 

“If it was never a good one, then how come you didn’t even realise Beomgyu called you? And then the whole smiling at your phone thing!”

 

“Beomgyu hyung called me? And what do you mean I was smiling at my phone?”

 

“You were!” Soobin accused, eyes wide. “You were holding your phone just now and blushing at it. What did she say? Did your heart flutter because of it?”

 

After several heartbeats, Huening’s eyes lit in understanding before he hid his face between his hands and groaned. “Oh, my god, hyung.”

 

“What? I got it right, didn’t I? You two were flirting.”

 

Soobin doesn’t even know where these words came from, but they were spilling out of his mouth like vomit and he doesn’t think he could stop. 

 

This was, of course, until Huening explained himself.

 

“Hyung, I wasn’t texting her then… I was watching something. I just texted her when you came to sit next to me.”

 

Soobin paused, mouth hung wide. “What? Then what were you watching? Is it still on your phone?”

 

“Wait, no, hyung—”

 

But before the maknae could save himself, Soobin was already diving for his phone and snatched it to hastily open the lock screen. His thoughts raced.

 

_What was he watching? Was it erotic? Is he already in that stage of puberty where he can’t control his urges even at work? But I was never that zealous at his age, even now…_

 

When the screen finally unlocked as Huening was trying his best to reach it from Soobin’s hold in the air, Soobin’s eager eyes immediately looked for those explicit tagline titles only to be met with: **SOOBIN FANCAM 191003**

 

He hears Huening plop down to the floor and moan in despair, but nothing really matters because he feels his chest expand twice its size and its heart jumping to conclusions. 

 

_This was what made Hyuka blush? A fancam of me… winking? Not his ex?_

 

“Hyung, can you please give me back my phone now. I think I’m embarrassed enough.”

 

Abruptly, he returned the phone to its owner who, upon receiving the device, pocketed it then put up his hoodie before flopping onto the floor. 

 

When his brain cells finally worked, Soobin leant down to Huening, a smirk dancing on his lips.

 

“I made you blush?”

 

“Hyung,” whined Huening. 

 

“So it wasn’t explicit texts from your ex, nor videos, but me?”

 

“Oh, my god. I’m ready to die.”

 

Soobin grinned, cheshire in all the right ways, then flipped the youngest on his back. When he finally managed to get Huening to reveal his face, his chest ached at the rosy cheeks. 

 

“Ah, hyung,” Huening started, pushing at Soobin’s chest, “stop making fun of me. You’re annoying.”

 

“Oh, I’m annoying, hm? Annoyingly cute?”

 

Huening fake gagged as he righted himself up. He brushed himself down then, refusing to take Soobin’s mirth any longer, he spoke.

 

“The way your voice changed after you found out I was watching a video of you instead of my ex… no way… hyung, were you jealous?” asked Huening, comically widened eyes patronizing him from where he sat on the floor. 

 

At this, Soobin’s cheeks reddened. “What are you talking about? Nonsense. I was worried about you as leader.”

 

“But you were so interested in finding out if I was with her or not. And you got angry at me.”

 

“When did I—I wasn’t jealous,” he stated firmly. Huening grinned, knowing that the leader’s rapid blinks were an indicator of his dishonesty. 

 

The boy walked up to his leader and, after a quick scan of a room finds him no staff and distracted members, Huening roped his arms around Soobin’s waist and rested his cheek on Soobin’s shoulder. 

 

“You don’t have to be jealous, hyung,” he hummed while staring at their reflection on the mirror wall ahead. “You know you’re my favourite.”

 

“Am I?” Soobin’s voice was low, way lower than his usual one and it sends shivers up Huening’s neck that he daren’t show. 

 

Huening murmured, “You know that already.”

 

Then, Soobin pulled back from the embrace. At the sight of his crescent eye-smile and soft cheeks, Huening can only beam back. 

 

“You’re right,” Soobin whispered before he held Huening’s head in both hands and pecked his nose. “I do know.”

 

 

“So, did you figure out why you were glaring at him? Or seemed like you were, anyway?” Yeonjun inquired from the kitchen. 

 

Before he could answer, Huening had sleepily ambled out from his room. When he caught Soobin’s eyes, the younger blushed and ducked his head before heading inside the bathroom and shutting the door close. 

 

The infamous V Live glare was only really called a glare because it was cropped wrongly, Soobin realized after watching the moment countless of times. It was because after the leader had kissed Huening’s nose, the younger hadn’t let go of the whole jealousy issue and had flaunted his _charms_ during the livestream before purposefully catching Soobin’s disapproving look to smile back teasingly. 

 

So, he replied, “Don’t know. I think he stole my socks the other day or something.”

 

“Well, let the fans think what they want, right?”

 

Soobin knows if the fan had just recorded him a second longer, they would’ve caught him try to hold back a smile (and failing) at Huening and, really, he prefers them thinking he was glaring at the boy than falling for him.

 

“Yeah,” Soobin agreed, “let the fans think what they want.”


	4. follow only soobin hyung like glue!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> heres ur food also pls be patient with me since im updating this rather sporadically and because my chem finals are 2 days away, i won't be posting anymore until friday! thank you for understanding! 
> 
> twitter:@FAIRYJ00N < sookai legends come talk

It was Sunday, which meant that the group had a later start than the rest of the week as a little break from their hectic schedule. Despite the rest of the room being sound asleep, Soobin takes the opportunity to shower first, letting the hot steam relieve his mind from the upcoming stages and the possibility of not winning. 

 

After drying his hair with a quick rub with his towel, Soobin stalks back to their shared room and carefully slides into his bed, mindful of the sleeping log taking up the other half of his very tiny cot. 

 

He watches the new Avengers trailer, whisper-screaming before sending it to all his high school friends about watching it with them when it comes out next month, and then moves on to the endless list of Korean youtubers. He clicks on mukbangs, song reviews, vlogs, until his eyes finally catch the new update the staff had posted under TXT’s youtube channel. 

Without thinking much of it, he clicks on the icon and was surprised when the video starts and its footage of him and Huening before their debut, shooting the group introductory video sometime last December. 

A smile falls on his lips as he watches them. He remembers distinctly how weird it was when Huening first warmed up to him but after being placed into the same group together, it was as though any restraint the younger had set for himself had finally broken down. He was almost always touching Soobin—not that Soobin can complain when he’s just as bad—and never seemed to be out of the leader's sight.

 When they were trainees, Soobin would only notice Huening because of all the gossip that spread around about him like wildfire, his family, his sister group, his nationality, and the list goes on. He never paid much heed to the words exchanged between his sunbaes who treated the dirt like fine currency. 

 To Soobin, Huening was just a boy who had big dreams, just like himself. When they were first collected to form TXT with the additional two members that hadn’t make the cut, Huening was still his shy yet charismatic self, though much more subdued. It wasn't hard to notice that his diluted character was a product of copious glares and snide remarks coming from no one else but those two sunbaes. 

 

On the screen, Huening watches Soobin take an excessive amount of selcas on their manager's phone until he leaves with an exasperated sigh. The video cuts to footage of him and Huening walking up the stairs, the younger’s hands secured around Soobin’s waist again. 

 

Perhaps, he thinks, the reason behind Huening’s constant clinginess to himself—and not the others, as the title suggested—was the countless of times Soobin stood up for Huening, coming to his defense when they were younger whenever the two older members would pick on him. They’d say stinging comments about his pronunciation or his dance, and Soobin could only take so much before he had one of the two sunbaes pinned against the wall. Though there was no fight, the staff had taken the situation alarmingly well (even though Soobin was called to the PD's office right after and had been given a thorough scolding.)

Instinctively, Soobin peers to his side at the beautiful boy next to him and pats the mop of black strands softly. The video on his phone ends with a close-up of his face, he see the way his mouth thins as the video-him mouths ‘so clingy, so clingy’. Soobin huffs an amused laugh, then places his phone by the windowsill above his cot and manoeuvres himself to lay on his side so he could look down on the sleeping boy. 

 

Beomgyu was right. Huening Kai _is_ prettiest when he sleeps. 

 

His long lashes curl down on the pale plane of his high cheeks, his lips were soft and pink, and his hair swept across his forehead, framing his small face. 

 

Without much thought, Soobin raises a finger to trace the underside of Huening’s eye and as the boy’s brow furrows before blinking his bleary eyes open, he feels his breath caught in his throat. 

 

“Hyung?” Huening whispers, voice still catching in his throat. Soobin lifts a finger to his own mouth before pointing at the cluster of beds behind him.

 

“They’re still asleep.”

 

Huening merely blinks back before he throws an arm around Soobin’s waist and dragging him down onto the bed with him. The boy shifts a little until he can finally rope an arm around his hyung and rest his head on his chest. 

 

Soobin’s heart thunders in his chest but, thankfully, it was masked with the soft laugh that reverberated his upper body. The elder raises an arm behind Huening’s back and rests it on top of his head, repeatedly stroking the ebony mop. A contented sigh escapes the younger’s lips. 

 

“You’re so clingy,” Soobin says quietly, careful about the three other sleeping bodies on the opposite side of the room. Huening whines when Soobin retracts his hand and lets it fall to the side. 

 

The younger takes the arm roped around Soobin’s waist to pet his belly, making Soobin stupidly giddy and letting giggles out. Huening’s head bops up and down with the staccato rise of Soobin’s chest, but he doesn’t complain, instead he looks up at his hyung and then plants his face in the crook right between the nape of Soobin’s neck and his shoulder. 

 

“Hm,” Huening hums, “you love it.”

 

Soobin senses the tickle of mirth up his spine and he takes the bait. “No, sometimes it’s really annoying.”

 

Huening only burrows his head further into his neck. 

 

The muted warble coming from the AC above them fills the silence in the room as streaks of light finally poured into the room, only separated by the blinds. When the pause stretches, Soobin thinks Huening had fallen back into his slumber but when he feels wetness dripping on his neck, the leader rapidly pulls out of the embrace to face the younger. 

 

Huening’s once sleepy eyes were staring back at him teary. A heavy dread constricts his lungs. 

 

“Ning?” 

 

“Hyung,” Huening whimpers lowly.

 

Soobin rushes back to his side, “Why? Why? Why, why are you crying? Oh, no, Ning, what’s wrong?”

 

The elder presses the younger’s body firmly to his side, quickly petting his head as if that would stop the tears from falling out of his eyes. 

 

“Am I,” Huening starts, voice cracking, “really annoying?”

 

At the question, Soobin halts. 

 

_Fuck. I hate myself._

 

Just a few days ago he had made Huening feel like shit, and now here he is again doing the exact same but worse. He even managed to make the boy cry! First thing in the morning! Someone should really keep a tally of all the times he has managed to fuck up so far cause they seem to add up exponentially. 

 

“Oh, no. Baby,” Soobin turns to his side so he can face the maknae. When Huening avoids his gaze, Soobin places two fingers below his chin and softly turned his gaze up. “No. Hyung is sorry, I was just playing around. I was watching the new youtube update the staff put up and it was you clinging onto me and I just said that and… I swear I didn’t mean to make you cry. It’s not annoying, it’s really great, I like you clinging onto me. Wait.”

 

When Soobin finally pauses mid-rant and realises just how high his voice sounded, Huening’s teary eyes were no longer heavy with sadness, but the small grin on his face told him the boy was having his time with seeing the elder trip over his words to apologise. 

Resorting to what he knew best, Soobin finds the younger’s hand beneath the duvet and interlocks their fingers before bringing it on his chest so that the younger’s palm would be directly above his heart. 

 

“Do you feel this?” Soobin asks, “It’s really fast. My mouth was also too fast, hyung is sorry. I wasn’t thinking.”

 

Huening stares at Soobin’s tight grip around his wrist and the way his palm was splayed out on top of his hyung’s chest before he looks back up to the leader. “What does that have to do with anything?”

 

For a moment, Soobin is stunned, but he remembers the way the boy had teared up so might as well erase any sort of future implications that may hold and do himself a favour. He takes a deep breath before he replies.

 

“It’s only like that around you.”

 

A beat passes. Then another. Then Huening is diving back into the duvet and a muffled screech could be heard. Soobin laughs but he scans around the room to make sure that the other members didn’t suddenly rouse from their sleep because of the boy’s antics. 

 

“Yah,” he gently slaps Huening’s back, “the other members are still sleeping.”

 

When Huening resurfaced from his pillow, his hair in disarray and pink high on his cheeks, Soobin grins. Huening wraps his arms around the leader’s neck before he fully straddles the boy.

 

“Don’t say stuff like that,” Huening mutters, eyes downcast. 

 

“Why? Did your heart stutter?”

 

“My heart stuttered and then stopped, hyung.”

 

At the younger’s deadpan face, Soobin loses it and muffles his laugh into the younger boy’s shoulder. Huening rakes his fingers across the leader’s scalp until the boy was no longer consumed with laughter.

 

“Ah, I’m really sorry.”

 

“I know.”

 

“I didn’t mean it like that, you know that right?”

 

“I know,” Huening replies softly, finally meeting the leader’s gaze. Then, he leans down and bumps their foreheads together. “Just don’t do that again, okay?”

 

“I promise.”

 

“Okay. Good.”

 

“Good.”

 

Soobin must have had some balls that morning because he slyly turns his head to peck the younger’s cheek, to which the younger squirmed before hitting at his chest softly. 

 

“I'll only follow hyung, you know?” Huening asks. Soobin nods, bumping the tips of their noses together, which made Huening’s shoulders shake a little. 

 

“Yeah. I know.”

 

“My big dumb hyung,” Huening croons before capturing the leader’s face in his so he can turn it down to plant a kiss on the boy’s forehead, “stay with me.”

 

Soobin’s somersaulting heart can only comply, so he rearranges them inside the cot with Huening tucked neatly to his side with his head resting on Soobin shoulder before he could think of a reply. 

 

“Always."


	5. origins/the backstory

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> DISCLAIMER: EVERYTHING IN HERE ONWARDS IS STRICTLY FICTIONAL INCLUDING THE ORIGINAL CHARACTERS THAT WERE USED AS TRAINEES. ANY EVENTS THAT OCCURRED IN THIS WORK OF FICTION IS STRICTLY FICTIONAL AND HAS NOT TRANSPIRED IN REAL LIFE. 
> 
> \- because every great love story has its own backstory.

Crushes weren't deep. Everyone who has ever had a crush knew that. Infatuation, however, can be argued to have another layer of sentiment as opposed to a simple crush. Now, love was a whole other plane field. Huening thought it’s shit. How could one’s feelings spectra range from an inconsequential attraction to a life-altering conjuncture?

In front of him, amongst the sea of sweaty bodies, Choi Soobin choked on his sip of water as Yuna snuck up from his behind and grabbed his shoulder. The girl laughed when Soobin finally managed to gargle his water back down instead of spitting it everywhere.

Not only is love out of the domain which consisted of crushes and infatuation, but the risk has also raised exponentially. The emotion left no room for argument when it came to the insane liability it carried.

Choi Soobin’s lips curved into a scowl, which had Yuna giggle madly, before he raked his fingers through his hair, letting the rich mop of brown sweep to the side and expose his thick brows. Huening adverted his gaze and clasped his clammy hands together.

Huening doesn’t know what he feels towards Choi Soobin, and he was almost too scared to find out, but he knew that the ache set beneath his chest was not one of physical exhaustion.

 

The [sun](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WwQLAMzVxaM) was scorching and its heat made the air circulating around the wintry BigHit building wet and dense. The first time Huening Kai saw Choi Soobin was in the hallway leading to the building’s exit.

He was fresh out of the judging, and he ambled out to his father who sat between two other potential candidates before the man jumped to his feet and opened his arms wide. Huening burrowed his face into the embrace, humming softly when his father cupped the back of his head with a promise to take him out for a barbecue the second they leave the building.

As the two made their way outside, a pair of boys came rushing past them.

“We’re late! God, we’re so screwed,” hissed the shorter of the two.

The taller one crossed his arms in front of him. “Hyung, you were the one who told me to go with you to eat tteokbokki!”

“Ah! Whatever! Hurry up or they're gonna make us clean the floor today."

As the short one stalked past them, Huening was about to resume his step when he caught the eyes of the taller.

The first things Huening Kai remembers of Choi Soobin were his ebony eyes and his tardiness.

For a brief moment, the two stared at each other, before the taller’s hyung barked at him to catch up.

When his father placed a large cut of the beef on his plate, he asked, “Did you know that boy?”

Huening shook his head. “No. Must be a trainee.”

The day he was introduced to the rest of the trainees by Bang Sihyuk two weeks later, Choi Soobin muttered a quick ‘congratulations’ as they crossed paths by the water dispenser.

 

  
The summer heat was whisked away by the Autumn breeze, and Huening found himself staying back at the practice room far longer than he has the right to. When all the other trainees had packed up and made their way back to the dorms or their homes, he tucked himself into the en-suite bathroom before he was sure the rest had gone.

It was this one particular swivel that he couldn’t get it right no matter how many times he had forced his body to repeat the motion or have one of the sunbaes click their tongue at him before repeating the lesson to him.

The boy danced in silence, letting his mind conjure the ghost of the beat that blasted within the four walls of the practice room just mere minutes ago.

Huening was on his fifth run through when the door to the room squeaked open.

His arms were caught mid-air, and his eyes rapidly glanced at the reflection of the entry. With his heart beating in his chest, both from the physical exertion and the anxiety that brewed within him, he finally turned around.

Choi Soobin stared back at him with bitten bread in his right hand.

“What are you doing?”

Huening righted himself up, bowing at the elder, and kept his eyes downcast.

“Ah, sunbae, there was…I forgot something here. So I came back,” he said.

Huening heard the sound of the plastic wrapper sealing before the echo of a few weighty thuds were heard until Choi Soobin’s Adidas sneakers came into his view.

“If the other sunbaes caught you in here after hours they would report you.”

“I know.”

“Well,” Choi Soobin sighed, “guess you’re lucky it wasn’t another sunbae.”

“What?” Huening asked, eyes wide as he searched for the elder’s gaze.

Choi Soobin tugged on his ear, looking at everywhere but Huening. “I won’t report you. But you need to tell me why you’re here. There’s no point in lying.”

“Oh. Oh, uh, I mean—thank you, sunbae. I was, um. Trying to get this one move right, but I can’t.”

“Haven’t the others showed it to you before? Like the sunbaes?”

“They did, but if I didn’t get it they’d get mad at me.”

At this, Choi Soobin’s nose crinkled and his mouth twisted into a thin line before he eyed the boy and tossed his bread to the side.

“Alright,” Choi Soobin said.

“Alright?”

Choi Soobin nodded then turned to look at him. “I’ll teach it to you.”

“But we could get caught, then you would get in trouble, too…”

“It’s better than you staying here for god knows how long. Might as well get out of here faster, right?” Choi Soobin grinned.

Lost for words, Huening scratched his neck. “Um, right.”

“Plus,” Choi Soobin added as he faces the wall-mirror and catching Huening’s eyes from his reflection, “I might see Seokjin sunbaenim.”

Without waiting a second longer, Choi Soobin’s voice directed every single twitch of his muscle as the elder broke down the movement into the smallest detail. By about midnight, Huening felt triumph soar in his chest when he executed the spin perfectly. Choi Soobin clapped from his side, smiling ever so slightly.

Huening rushed toward him and bowed deeply. “Thank you, sunbae. I made you stay this long and you didn’t even get to see Jin sunbaenim.”

The AC had since long been shut off, and Huening vaguely felt the sweat trickle past his temple to the underside of his jaw, which had the longest of showers to be desired. The boy remained still until a huff of laughter echoed throughout the room.

“Hyung.”

“What?” Huening raised his head and asked.

Choi Soobin bent down to grab his bread and tore a bite out of it. “Just call me hyung.”

The second thing he remembered about Choi Soobin was his affinity for bread and the kindness that seeped out of his feline eyes.

“Okay, hyung.”

 

  
As the year drew to its conclusion, the trainees grew restless for their annual New Years party, a tradition started by sunbae from before Yeonjun became a sunbae himself. It was as though a blanket of sheer anticipation and excitement was draped around every single individual training with him daily.

By the time the first snow fell, Huening had managed to extend his acquaintanceship beyond the other trainees his age and became closer to Choi Soobin (and Choi Yeonjun, by extension.)

Choi Yeonjun, Huening Kai learned, is a force to be reckoned with. If he thought his heart had stopped every time Soobin clicked his tongue during their impromptu one-on-one dance sessions, then the organ had completely disintegrated when it was introduced to Choi Yeonjun.

For one, the boy was impeccably boisterous. He would be hanging off Soobin’s arm in one second, then dangling off the back of another trainee in the next. He would talk people’s ears off, except they don’t actually fall off because Choi Yeonjun has no boring stories. If Huening wasn’t so impossibly impressed by the guy, he would have found him a tad too much.

“Huening Kai,” crooned a voice into his ear, “are you coming to the party?”

Yeonjun had so slyly slinked an arm around his neck, pulling him into a choke hold in front of the older trainees who each collectively donated a polite laugh to Yeonjun’s antics. Huening made a feeble attempt to escape but sagged in the hold anyway.

To be quite frank, Huening Kai hasn’t even thought of the party. The only thing that raced around his head all day was the upcoming evaluation that would decide whether or not he will get to debut soon or be pushed back again. Additionally, the amount of schoolwork had begun to pile up and there was no way Huening could ever finish that by their respective due dates if he doesn’t hold himself up for a weekend.

Instead of this, he said, “I don’t know yet, hyung. Are you?”

“Of course! Who in their right mind wouldn’t? Right, Soobin-ah?”

Choi Soobin dropped himself onto the floor, hissing as he landed because the cup of water in his grip jostled and spilt over his knuckles. Huening was quick to stretch out for the paper towel case before sliding it over to the boy. The wings of Soobin’s eyelids crease as a smile broke out on his face before he returned his attention back at the pool of water beneath him.

“Yah,” Yeonjun called out, arms crossed, “I asked you if I was right.”

Soobin’s long fingers had scooped the dripping tissue before he stood up and threw it away. Before he sat back down on the floor, he paused and brought his fingers to caress his chin as though he had been pondering a philosophical debate in his head.

Finally, he replied, “I didn’t hear what you said, but if it’s you then you’re probably correct anyway cause no one else can be right but you, right, hyung?”

“Brat! I didn’t raise you to be like this.”

“You’re literally only a year older.”

“That’s still a whole year older! Know your place!”

Yeonjun’s fingers had made its way onto the wide, sturdy planes that were Soobin’s shoulder, and had begun to jerk him from one side to another. It took him about three shakes before Soobin had pleaded for him to stop because his cup was ready to fall right out of his hands.

Soobin reached back to the nape of his neck and placed the cup down. “I might.”

“Might what?” Yeonjun asked, leaning forward.

“Go. To the party, I mean. It’s my second year here anyway.”

“Oh,” Huening Kai said. “It’s hyung’s second year?”

Soobin managed to look at him before he peered back to his cup and nodded.

Another thing Huening managed to observe after countless hours of tailing Choi Soobin literally everywhere he goes is that his hyung, despite his confidence in dancing or the bursts of gentleness that occurred from time to time, a shy boy through and through. Soobin had interacted with him first and shown him peak goodness, but the morning after he had acted as though he hadn’t just violated the rules of the company—which he could be kicked out for—to teach Huening.

It caught him by surprise, but Huening was determined to not let the first kind person he met in the company to go on without him. So, the boy had metaphorically tied a string around his hand to Soobin’s and followed him everywhere. At first, Huening thought Soobin would be aggravated, completely irked by this young boy who trailed after him like a lost duck, but eventually—one lunch—Soobin had purposefully cornered him while he was eating.

“Why are you following me around?”

Huening picked up a strip of bulgogi and placed it in his mouth, chewing a bit before he looked up.

He said, “Because I want to be your friend.”

“What?” Soobin’s narrowed eyes stared at him and Huening rested his bento on the floor.

“I want to be hyung’s friend, but hyung didn’t talk to me after you taught me the dance last week.”

Soobin’s stepped back, and from what Huening can see Soobin’s arm jerked softly before his mouth opened then momentarily closed. A beat passed before the Sunbae blinked rapidly then hastily nodded and sat in front of Huening. Without a reply, Soobin dug into his lunch and Huening found that he doesn’t mind. The days after were much brighter and he even caught Soobin smile at him through the mirror if he noticed how Huening had improved after numerous counts of dance practice.

 

  
Choi Yeonjun flopped onto his belly and pulled out his phone to scroll through Twitter. Soobin was playing deftly with the plastic cup in his hands, twirling it and rotating it with no mercy when Yeonjun gasped and landed to his side so he could sit upright.

“I just remembered,” he announced, “we’re finally meeting that secret trainee kid BigHit’s hiding since last year.”

A chorus of “really” and “no way” erupted between the small circle Huening sat across from. Yeonjun nodded his head, eyes wide before he covered his mouth with his hand.

Soobin leaned over to his hyung. “What trainee, hyung?”

“Ah, I keep forgetting you’re relatively new. It’s this kid that has been with the company for a long time—like, a year before you—but he couldn’t attend regular training sessions because of complications or something.”

“Or something,” Huening echoed. “So, he’s coming today?”

“Yep. Don’t know what time though.”

Soobin wondered, “Do you have a name, hyung?”

Yeonjun scrolled through his phone and Huening watched as numerous lines of exchange blue and white bubbles filled the screen, undoubtedly a group chat he was not part of, then the sunbae shrugged.

“I think it was Choi something.”

“Oh? Another one?”

Yeonjun hummed. “Yeah. What was it? Beomjun? Beom…”

Just as the elder was about to mumble out another guess, the doors of the training room creaked open and their main dance instructor guided in a scrawny, midnight-haired boy who donned a black hoodie with equally dark sneakers.

“Everyone. Gather around.”

The trainees raised in a synchronic beat, each of them clustering around the entrance to catch a peak of the new guy. Huening, too, wanted to see but some of the older trainees had bombarded the front row of their little semi-circle. A hand tugged on his wrist, and he saw Choi Soobin’s gaze fixed at the not-new trainee but his unoccupied left hand pointing at the space in front of him. Quietly, Huening shuffled until he occupied the space left open for him, finally letting his shoulders lax when he saw he finally had a clear vision towards the new boy.

Their instructor cleared his throat, turning around to face the boy and muttered, “Introduce yourself.”

“Ah. Yes,” the boy gushed, “Hello, everyone. Nice to meet you. My name is Choi Beomgyu.”

The boy bowed to the rest of them and from the corner of his eye, Huening watched the way their seniors’ eyes twinkle with interest, undoubtedly trying to nitpick each and every crevice of the boy available to them to see what his strengths were and what kind of weaknesses exist to exploit.

“He’s so smiley,” Soobin muttered behind him. Huening has to force himself to stay still as to not shiver when he felt the gust of air blow against his neck.

Yeonjun hummed beside them but doesn’t say anything else otherwise. When the crowd disperses, and the dance instructor begins his first session of the day, Huening’s eyes were glued to Choi Beomgyu and the powerful strokes his body makes to accentuate the beat that thrummed between the four walls of their practice room. It wasn’t until he felt Soobin nudge him during their break did he break out of his stupor.

“Why are you staring at him so much?” Soobin asked over a cup of water. His eyes have a sort of glaze that made it especially difficult for Heuning to grasp the true emotion behind it, but he braces himself and shrugs.

“I don’t know. It’s weird—to see a new one come after me. Guess you’re used to it.”

Before he could hear Soobin’s reply, however, Yeonjun came bouncing back to their side only this time, he had the newcomer in tow.

“Beomgyu-ah,” Yeonjun crooned, “meet these punks. The tall one is Choi Soobin and the lesser tall one is Huening Kai.”

“Wah, Huening Kai? Are you Chinese?”

Huening laughed, scratching the upper side of his arm. “No. I’m half Korean and half German. Where are you from?”

“Daegu!” Choi Beomgyu grinned at him, eyes glimmering with mischief and mirth that was yet to be unleashed.

Huening Kai smiled back at him, finally extending an arm. “It’s nice to meet you.”

Choi Beomgyu stared at the offer and beamed right back, grasping Huening Kai’s hand in his tight grip. “You too.”

 

Huening Kai led Beomgyu over to the side where they sat cross-legged on the floor, chattering about everything and anything (especially when Huening found out Beomgyu might be transferring to the same grade as him because of certain preparations BigHit has put him under.)

( _“Does that mean I don’t have to call you hyung anymore?”_

 _“In your dreams, brat.”_ )

They were too deep into their conversation that a sunbae had to lift them up from the floor when the dance instructor had called for the break to be over. Huening Kai enjoyed the new company way too much than he ought too and perhaps that was what made him oblivious to the two dark eyes that were stuck on his back, tracing his every move.

It had long since he joined BigHit, but to see another new trainee be judged the same way as he washed a tidal wave of responsibility over Huening and made it his personal job to “guide” Beomgyu around.

“So, this New Years party,” Beomgyu started when they made their way towards the exit, “it’s a big deal?”

Huening shrugged before he lunged forwards to hold the door for Beomgyu. “I wouldn’t know. It’s my first year here, so…”

“Ah, right. I forgot.”

“Yeah.”

“Well, in any case, if you do decide to go, we should go together,” Beomgyu offered. “Since we don’t know anyone else and stuff…”

 _Not true_ , Huening’s brain supplied, _there was Yeonjun hyung and Soobin hyung._

But they might be with their own friends, a darker side of his mind whispered back, not you.

  
They made it down the street and just before they part ways, Huening smiled at Beomgyu.

“I’d like that. The going together to the party thing,” Huening said.

Choi Beomgyu’s eyes shone when he was excited, but there was a certain glimmer that was unique and even prettier that his eyes held when he smiled some soft and genuine. Like he was truly happy. Taken aback, Huening’s smile faltered before he could catch himself but if Beomgyu noticed, he did not comment.

After waving at each other goodbye, Huening made his way down the busy street only to bump into broad shoulders just in front of the mart. Soobin stood before him, one hand clutching a sealed-packed bread while the other cradled his phone.

Huening paused, scanning his hyung from head to toe. “Hyung, you’re not going home?”

A moment passed and for a second Huening watched his hyung’s lips part then close before Soobin resumed his track back to the BigHit building. Huening’s voice caught in his throat. Scratched at his oesophagus, screeched to be let free, to clear up the bewilderment that clouded his mind and dimmed his vision with every passing heartbeat.

_Why would Soobin ignore him? Weren’t they now good friends? Why is Soobin going back to the building when Huening knows he has to go to the academy after training?_

He wanted to reach out, to call for Soobin’s retreating figure, but found himself rendered helpless when he watched how his hyung walked head-on without so much as to spare him a glance.

 

The annual party was held a week after Beomgyu came. Soobin and Huening hadn’t talked since Beomgyu was introduced to the rest of the trainees.

For the past seven days, Huening has tried (and failed) to come up with reasons for Soobin’s cold shoulder. It wasn’t as if he had intentionally pissed him off—Huening knew—if that were the case, he’d believe that Yeonjun would also shut him out as courtesy of being Soobin’s close friend, but the oldest hyung had been nothing but his usual animated self and was especially affectionate with Beomgyu and Huening himself.

And it wasn’t as if Soobin was acting like anything was wrong either. He danced the same, talked to the seniors the same, and overall lived the same except now he doesn’t come to sit by Huening’s feet when the dance instructor calls for a break or offer private tutoring sessions for Huening anymore.

Perhaps, that was what angered the boy the most, the fact that Soobin knew how Huening was not exactly the most popular amongst the trainees and had tried so hard to be the elder’s friend only to be shoved aside without an explanation as the culprit behind Huening’s misery went on with his life unaffected.

“Kai!”

Huening is forcefully shoved out of his stupor when a herd of seniors crowd around him. Huening lowered his gaze, fully aware that the stocky “leader” of this particular gang—Na Wonhyun, a six-year trainee and was entitled enough to believe that he holds superiority over everyone else—was only sniffing around for a potential fight.

_“Don’t let him get to you,” Soobin whispered during one of their lunch breaks after Huening had been kicked on the shin accidentally by Na Wonhyung, “Yeonjun hyung almost fought that guy back then and nearly got himself thrown out. Don’t give him a reason to come for you.”_

Huening clicked his tongue at the memory, willing it away to assuage the endless throb in his chest that made itself known since Soobin bumped into him in front of the convenience store.

Na Wonhyun stood in front of him, eyes glinting with mirth as his thick lips were pulled back in a smirk. “Where’s your bodyguard, huh?”

Instead of replying, the boy had turned back around to the water dispenser to refill his cup, silently praying to every deity to have mercy on him.

“Ya!” the same deep timbre voice called out. “Answer me when I’m talking to you!”

  
By now, Huening was sure that the other trainees, who were just as unfortunate as him to have spent their lunch in the practice room instead of outside like the others, must have heard the commotion and were sticking their sets of eyes on the scene unravelling before them.

Huening, finally, turned around and faced the mean scowl plastered on Na Wonhyung’s face. “What bodyguard, sunbae?”

“That tall kid—what’s his name? Sooman? Seobin?”

“Choi Soobin, Wonhyun,” one of the boys behind him replied.

“Yes, that one. Fucking menace. He used to glare at me all the time. Now, where is he? Did he finally leave you?”

Huening shook his head, not once meeting Na Wonhyun’s gaze. “No, sunbae. I don’t know where he is.” Then, he muttered under his breath, “And he won’t be looking for me either.”

A loud bark of laughter echoed within the room as Na Wonhyung doubled over himself and his eyes disappeared into slits. His loyal followers seemed to be faking their amusement, for Huening was sure that the only person who could have heard him was Na Wonhyung since he was literally in front of him.

“That’s great, oh god—did you guys hear that? The bodyguard is no longer a bodyguard! Lucky dog,” Na Wonhyun sneered, “now we can do what we’ve always wanted with you.”

At that, Huening’s eyes flit back to the group in front of him and his heart stopped beating when he saw the depth of the darkness swimming in their irises. Whatever confident pretence he must have held seconds ago had completely dissipated into thin air.

His limbs were frozen to the ground, stuck and unbudging to defend himself from whatever oncoming attack that may occur.

Huening’s last sight was the sickening leer on Na Wonhyun’s face wiped clean when two pairs of arms caught him by the middle, then he was out like a light.

  
When he came to, he was met with the furrowed brows of one highly concerned Choi Yeonjun.

“Huening Kai,” he screamed, “you’re awake!”

“Careful there. He might still be slow from fainting,” a gentle voice reminded.

Huening shut his eyes from the blinding white light on top of him and only when he hears the lights clicked off did he attempt to blink himself conscious. From what he could see, he was lying prone in the infirmary as there was the company’s doctor to his right and a bunch of metallic trays by the door. Huening groaned.

“What happened?” he croaked out.

Someone pressed a cup to his lips and when he opened his mouth, he greedily swallowed the bounds of ice-cold water into him, smacking his lips gratefully at whoever did that. Beomgyu’s unamused face greeted him instead before the trainee went back to his spot by the door.

“Na Wonhyun and his gang were picking on you when Yeonjun and I came back from lunch. We were going to confront him but then you started to fall.”

Yeonjun hummed. “The rat said he didn’t have anything to do with you fainting, was that true? Did he not attack you?”

“He didn’t,” Huening said softly, mindful of the scratch in his throat.

Beomgyu leaned back on the door, arms crossed. Beside him, Yeonjun bit on his bottom lip as his eyes fixated themselves to the floor.

The doctor’s chair squeaked under her weight as she turned towards the bed, then rested her palms over her knees.

“Well. It seems like your friend here worked himself too hard,” she explained, “his vitals seem fine when I checked them, but I’m going on a limb here and say that you haven’t been sleeping well at home, haven’t you?”

Huening blinked, then nodded his head.

The doctor continued, “Sleep deprivation compounded with your intense training sessions and, of course, schoolwork can just do about that to a person. Not to mention the amount of stress you all must be under with the end of year evaluations just in three days. It’s nothing out of the ordinary, but please try your best to take care of yourself.”

Cheeks burning, Huening mumbled a soft agreement to the doctor’s orders. The doctor returned to her computer and typed away, the soft clicks of the keyboard accompanied the wild thoughts buzzing in his head.

 _Did he faint? In front of everyone? Great_ , he thought, _now everyone would think he’s weak. More reason to give to Wonhyung to just outright bully him._

There was a loud crash just outside the door to the infirmary. All eyes in the room flew to the slant of wood keeping them from the commotion outside. There was some mild chatter following the crash until the door to the infirmary burst open.

Soobin’s eyes were wild and his chest heaved heavily, any harder and Huening is sure he might as well break a rib by how fast he was taking in the air.

“Huening,” he gasped out.

Yeonjun eyed the tall boy before he moved to the side near Beomgyu, leaving the space by the bed open. In seconds, Soobin was by his bedside, body palpitating with what Huening could only guess to be tiredness but the crease between his brow could suggest otherwise.

Huening’s arm reached out, but he caught himself and let it rest back on the bed.

“Hyung,” he said, “calm down.”

Soobin shook his head fervently, his knuckles turning white from his grip on the bed’s handles. The elder had his eyes downcast, Huening looked back at the other two boys but rolled his eyes when Yeonjun merely gave him a single shrug of his shoulders.

“I’m fine,” Huening assured, fiddling with his fingers.

Finally, Soobin looked up and Huening could see the streaks of sweat trailing by his temple and felt the unearthly urge to wipe them off for him.

“Yeonjun hyung texted me you fainted.”

“I did.”

“He said Na Wonhyun picked on you.”

“He did,” Huening answered, then continued, “but I didn’t faint because of him.”

“Then, why?” Soobin asked, breath still coming out in rough pants but much less severe than before.

Huening scratched his neck, flitting his gaze to the doctor who went back to face her screen when caught by his stare. The other two were none the better as they averted their attention to their own phones after Huening looked at them.

“I was not getting enough sleep. And stress, I guess…”

“Oh.”

“Yeah.”

The silence ticked on simultaneous with the thin red hand on the clock above the doorframe.

It was weird to finally hear his hyung’s voice after a whole week of silence, and Huening wasn’t sure how to act around him anymore. He couldn’t exactly go back and pretend nothing had happened between them and he couldn’t really shut the elder out either.

After the pregnant pause, Soobin questioned, “Yeonjun hyung carried you out here by himself?”

“No, I helped,” Beomgyu quipped.

Soobin eyed the black haired boy then chewed on his lip, nodding, before he righted himself up and walked out.

Huening felt his rip from his body and transported to a week ago, outside of that convenience store when Soobin had brushed past him.

“What a weirdo,” Yeonjun huffed before kicking his leg off the wall. “Kai, don’t worry about it. He’s just constipated.”

Huening hummed, the dull ache still not ebbing from between his ribs.

Beomgyu patted his foot then, smiling softly. “Do you feel better now?”

Eyes still locked to the door, Huening was unsure with his answer.

“Yes,” he finally said, voice steady. “Let’s go back.”

  
True to his word, Beomgyu had met him just after evaluations to pick him up for the trainee’s annual party.

Seeing the boy outside of the evaluation room made Huening’s insides warm a bit, but he toughed it down and went over to nudge him. Beomgyu pocketed his phone before falling by his side to match his stride.

“How did it go?” the boy asked.

Huening gave a noncommittal hum. “It was fine. I don’t think I improved, but I didn’t get worse so my ranking stays the same. How was yours, you did it this morning right?”

“Yep. It was alright. I haven’t had an evaluation in nearly six months, I was so nervous my hands were so jittery, look.”

Huening grinned when Beomgyu raised his fingers that kept twitching every now and then.

“Ah, I was so nervous just now I could barely remember my name. When the dance instructor called for me I looked at him for a minute before realizing he meant me.”

Beomgyu threw his head back at that, peels of laughter making its way out of him.

As the exited the building, Huening noted the sunset by the West.

“Do you know where it is?” Huening asked.

Beomgyu nodded, scrolling on his phone before he showed Huening Yeonjun’s text message. “It shouldn’t be far. Let’s go.”

  
The New Years party itself could only be called a big one because they had rented one large karaoke room for the whole mass of trainees. As Beomgyu and Huening entered the neon-lit room, Huening eyes scan the party hastily to find anyone they knew and was taken aback when he saw many new faces that did not belong under BigHit.

“Who are they?” Huening shouted above the music and loud chatter.

“Trainees from other companies. I think JYP. I don’t know, Yeonjun-hyung didn’t tell me anything. Let’s go over there.”

Huening tailed Beomgyu until they made it into a small opening by the table with food, and saw Yeonjun making a plate for himself.

“Hyung!” Beomgyu called out, rushing to his side. Huening followed suit.

Yeonjun broke from the food table and shrieked, “Babies! You did come. Come, come, get some food. Kai, you just finished your evaluations, right?”

“Yes!” Huening shouted, moving towards his hyung. “How was yours, hyung?”

“It went okay! Have you met with the others yet? They invited trainees from JYP, CUBE, and SM this year!”

“I haven’t!”

“Well, make sure to make some friends! I’ll be by the karaoke machine if you need me!”

Just like that, Yeonjun slipped past them into the herd of bodies crowding around the gigantic LED screen that played numerous karaoke tracks. Huening gravitated closer to Beomgyu, eyeing the large mass of people slowly growing and filling up all the empty spaces of the room.

“Hey, Kai,” Beomgyu called out, “I’m gonna go over there for a while, I think I saw my friend. Will you be okay?”

Huening swallowed the plea for Beomgyu to stay, to not leave him alone to drown in this beat-throbbing sea of sweaty people. But he wasn’t raised like that so the boy thinned his lips into a smile and nodded.

“Yeah, just go, hyung.”

“Cool! Thanks, man. I’ll be back soon,” Beomgyu shouted over his shoulder as he already made his way across the room to a group of boys by the couches.

Now, Huening wasn’t exactly anti-social. But he was never sure where he stood in places like these. No one knew him quite well enough to initiate conversation, but he wasn’t exactly shameless enough to start them himself.

The sky outside the building had finally dimmed to the night, and the unrelenting turmoil within him threatened to consume him whole if he did not start doing something right this instant. But most of the trainees were much older than him, in their late teens or early twenties and were doing just fine nursing a glass of beer (or something else that was alcoholic) and chatting amongst themselves. Huening didn’t have the luxury of lowering his inhibition so he merely stuck by the window panes and watched the party go by.

“Alone?”

Huening turned to the voice. Beside him stood a fair girl with short brown hair and large eyes, her pink lips stretch into a gentle smile that made his own lips quirk. She slides up to him by the window when he made room for her. Huening brushed his hands on his pants.

“Sort of,” he said, “and you?”

The girl looked around the room. “Kinda. I’m Shin Ryujin, by the way.”

“Oh, nice to meet you. I’m Huening Kai,” he replied, extending an arm and beaming when she shook it.

“You from BigHit?” she asked.

“Yeah. Just a trainee though. You?”

“JYP. Trainee but possibly debuting soon.”

Huening turned to her, eyes wide. “That’s sick! Congrats.”

“Thank you,” she laughed, “and don’t give up. Are you new?”

“Yeah, been in BigHit for about five months now.”

Ryujin nodded, “What liner?”

“Oh, me? I’m zero-two.”

“2002? Not that much younger than me. I’m zero-one.”

“I have to call you noona then,” he said. She smiled at him and swayed the coke can in her hand.

Ryujin nudged him by the shoulder then. “There’s this tall kid who keeps looking at you. Think he’s looking for a fight.”

“Huh, where?”

“By the door to the left,” Ryujin whispered in his ear, “know him?”

Moving his gaze to the left side of the door in search for a body to match her description was way more taxing than he would like to admit, but when he found a potential match he couldn’t help but groan internally.

Choi Soobin was holding a red cup as he leaned against the door frame while surrounded by the group of girls and boys the like, some of who Huening doesn’t even recognize which meant he was well-acquainted with trainees from other companies too.

“He’s not looking for a fight,” Huening sighed. “Just my hyung.”

“Oh, from BigHit, too? He’s surrounded by SM kids. Wait, that’s one of mine next to him.”

Huening followed Ryujin’s hand to see a long-haired girl hanging by Soobin’s side. From within the darkness, he couldn’t exactly decipher her face in full; however, he could still see the glimmer in her eyes and the way she smiled at Soobin to know enough.

Bile rose within him, a guttural and ugly acidic aftertaste made itself known on his tongue. He tore his gaze away and turned around to face himself entirely to Ryujin.

“Noona, do you want to do a duet?”

Ryujin met his eyes briefly before she grinned. “Thought you were too scared to do anything but hang off the windows, but sure.”

The two made their way around the couches and finally to the front of the room where Yeonjun was operating the karaoke machine.

“Ryujin-ah!” Yeonjun exclaimed, “you’re here!”

“Yeonjun oppa, hi. You’re in charge for the night?”

“Nah, just until nine-thirty, then it’s Sungwon’s turn. Anyway, you want to do a song?”

Ryujin beamed, “Yep. With this cute dongsaeng here.”

Yeonjun finally noticed him behind the girl and if he was excited before, he was completely off the walls now.

“Oh, my god! My baby! This is the duet of a lifetime, alright, you two. There are two more people, and then you can go. Just wait by the side!”

“Sure, thanks, hyung,” Huening said.

They were about to rebound back to their spot by the wall when Huening felt a tough tug on his arm and was being pulled away rather quickly from the mass of people than from the entire party as whoever dragged him led them outside.

Met with the monotonous white lights of the corridor, Huening had to blink himself back from the dizziness and only after seeing those worn down Adidas sneakers did anger surge inside him.

“Hyung,” he snapped, “what the hell?”

Soobin’s eyes never left his hunched over body. Instead, the boy was towering over him with his hands across his chest and his lips pulled into a thin line. Something dark swirled in those brown eyes and Huening is too scared to make guesses. The silence swelled between them.

The halls were empty save for the ends where the staffs remained chattering amongst themselves. This close to the door, Huening could still feel the thrum and energy of the party inside and does his best to calm himself down from the confusion to fully face his senior.

Finally, when he gained footing and Soobin had no reply for him, Huening marched up to the guy and shoved his chest.

“Why did you pull me out?” he snarled, “I was with someone.”

Soobin huffed a breath but remained still then he walked over to the wall and leaned back, letting his head thud against the neon tiling.

Today his hyung wore a tight fitted maroon button up that was tucked neatly into his black ripped jeans. His dark brown tufts were artfully shaped into a middle-parting do, framing his face and giving off a mature yet boyish appeal.

A visceral tug in Huening’s guts made him look away. There was something that always captivated him about the elder. Whether it was the way he moved during their dance practices, or the eye-smile that appeared when he was utterly jovial, or even the way sweat framed his face after torturous hours within the practice room.

But it was something he daren’t unveil. Who knows what could happen if he looked into it further? How deep is this hole that he had dug for himself and could this be his own grave?

Any further questions were silenced at Soobin’s weak mumble.

“I don’t know.”

Huening faces him then, watches the way his pillow-lipped hyung crinkled his nose then brushing a hand through his hair, musing it upwards. Huening gulped.

“You don’t know?”

“I don’t know,” Soobin whispered. It sounded so loud to his hears despite the constant bass exploding from the room. “Why did…”

“Doesn’t matter.” Huening cut him shortly when he sobered up from the mild trance he was stuck in. “Would you have liked it if I had pulled you away from that girl you were with earlier?”

Huening’s tone had no room for warmth, he snapped, jabbing Soobin in the most unexpected of all places.

Soobin pushed himself from the wall to face him. “What girl?”

“That girl from JYP. Long hair. Batting eyelashes. That girl,” he sneered.

Soobin tilted his head, then huffed in disbelief. “I wasn’t with anyone at any particular time. I was always with a group of people. And even then, I didn’t know any of them personally. Yeonjun hyung dropped me there with them.”

All of Huening’s rampant thoughts came to a screeching halt.

“Oh,” he said.

Soobin eyed him then shook his head, his expression souring. “You were the one with someone. You said so yourself.”

“She’s just a noona. And what you did was rude! You ignored me for doing nothing, then you left me by the infirmary, then you come over here and had the nerve to pull me away from a friend! Who cares what I said or didn’t say, you aren’t supposed to do all that to their friend!”

Huening was panting by the time he was done. His arms were out, shaking in mid-air before they came to his side to massage his temples. Every fibre in his being throbbed with exhaustion, remnants of the stress from today’s evaluation had finally caught up to him and he felt like his soul was being sucked out all at once. He wobbled in his stead before a pair of strong arms came to steady him.

“Hyung,” he hissed, trying to push him away only to have his complaints muffled into Soobin’s chest as the elder hugged him tightly.

“I don’t know what I’m doing,” Soobin confessed, “but I need to hug you.”

Huening remained silent as he listened to the warble of the party from inside. There was nothing to do and Soobin was holding him up from falling so Huening did what he ought he should do and snaked his arms around the boy’s waist. Soobin sighed then pulled away. Huening’s arms were deadweight and fell to his side immediately, he wanted to chase Soobin’s warmth but physically couldn’t bring himself to do it.

“Why did you ignored me?” Huening asked, voice heavy.

Soobin shook his head. “I don’t know… I was annoyed.”

“At me?”

“At something,” Soobin corrected, “I don’t know why but seeing you hang out with that new kid pissed me off. You didn’t sit with me that day, and I felt… I don’t know. It’s weird.”

“You ignored me because I ignored you?”

“No, I—I don’t know how to talk this out. The only thing I know is I hate seeing you with someone else. I wanted you to look at me as your only hyung.”

“But you have so many hyungs!” Huening accused, “That’s not fair! You can’t just control me like that.”

“Yeah, I know,” Soobin said, shoving his arms to his pockets.

“If you know, then why did you continue to ignore me?”

A beat passed between them. Huening’s insides churned and he couldn’t tell if it was a negative thing or a positive thing—to stand in front of the person he wanted to question the most yet hide from the most was unnerving.

“I was confused. I couldn’t tell what I wanted and what I felt, and I didn’t know them too. I tried to distance myself from you but that ended up going wrong when you fainted and now I’m still not sure of what exactly I’m looking for but I think I might have an idea.”

Huening licked his lips and rubbed the palms of his hands together as he met Soobin’s gaze. “And that is?”

“Kai,” Soobin started, “I think… I think I—”

The door to the karaoke lounge burst open and Yeonjun and Ryujin poked their heads out until they caught sight of Huening.

“There you are!” Yeonjun exclaimed before he reached forward to grip Huening’s wrist. “It’s your turn now.”

Yeonjun tugged him along and dragged him inside. Huening spared a glance back just before he was swallowed back into the neon swarm only to see Soobin’s words die on his tongue.

 

Ryujin turned out to be a proficient singer as she was a rapper and had chosen a relatively easy song for Huening to catch up to. Together, they gathered a handful of applause and cheers from their performance which had Ryujin ruffle Huening’s hair playfully.

“You did well,” she complimented once they were out of the large circle and back to the walls of the lounge. “I’m surprised you said you were new.”

“You picked an easy song, noona,” he laughed instead.

Ryujin shook her head. “No, you did well. Don’t downplay yourself like that. Speaking of, what were you doing outside?”

At that, Huening’s cheeks reddened as he recalled just moments before the trifling events that had occurred. Huening shrugged and looked away, hoping that the darkness did well to conceal his face as to not give away what he was truly feeling inside.

“Nothing,” he answered, “my hyung just wanted to check on me because he didn’t see my evaluations.”

“Oh, you had evaluations today?”

Huening nodded and was about to reply when his eyes caught sight of a maroon button up. He eyed the clock and saw it was nearing ten-thirty. Beomgyu and Yeonjun were nowhere to be found and he knew he couldn’t exactly wait until the party had ended to leave anyway. He turned to Ryujin and held her hand.

“Yes, but noona I think I have to go now. It’s getting late,” he said apologetically, eyes creasing.

Ryujin shook her head and smiled dismissively, “No, no. It’s okay. I’ll see you some other time. Happy new years!”

“You too!” he called out before he dived into the sea of bodies moving against each other.

The karaoke machine was currently playing Taemin’s “MOVE” and the party did exactly that. Between being caught amongst two bodies grinding on each other and the occasional tug by the wrong person, Huening counts it a win that he made it out of the mass alive and found Soobin lounging in one of the chairs by himself.

“Hyung,” he rasped. “Wanna get out of here?”

Soobin’s caramel eyes flit to him then the karaoke machine before he smiled, [“Let’s go.”](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EwLMA5XYnKI)

  
The karaoke place was not that far from Huening’s apartment. It was a good twenty-minute walk, but Soobin had complained after he heard Huening’s stomach growl and detoured them to the nearest 7-Eleven.

The bored cashier greeted them as they made their way to the back where the cup noodles were stacked high. Soobin grabbed two and told Huening to get himself whatever he wanted and meet him by the storefront. Once Soobin paid and had prepped their cup noodles with hot water, he guided them to the bar table overlooking the street outside.

“Are you sure we’re allowed to eat this?” Huening asked sceptically despite having already broken his chopsticks.

Soobin grunted and swirled his noodles. “It’s fine. It’s New Years too, we’re not going back until the fifth so you can lose whatever fat you gained here then."

The TV hung high near the cashier was playing the MBC Gayo Daejejeon, and Huening let the soft hum of various performances lull him into the festive spirit.

“Alright,” he agreed finally, “let’s eat!”

“That’s more like it.”

Light chatter passed between them. Soobin took his time to rant about his evaluations today and how scared he was but managed to suck it up and do the dance well.

“Do you think you’re going to move up rank?” he asked.

Soobin shook his head. “Maybe, maybe not. Does it matter?”

“I thought the highest ranking members get picked to debut.”

“Nah,” Soobin said between a slurp of soup, “I’ve been here for two years and Yeonjun hyung’s been the top for the past three yet he still hasn’t been put in a group yet.”

“Oh.”

Huening didn’t want to let Soobin know how disheartening the revelation was to him. He had thought, the ranking was a way to make himself work harder because it meant that he was closer to debuting, but Soobin had just obliterated whatever hope he had within him.

Soobin nudged him. “Yah, don’t be sad. Just work really hard. You should be glad that ranking doesn’t define debuting. You can still debut without ranking, okay? And you’re a really great trainee. I’ve seen the way you’ve improved in just five months. If anyone were to debut, I had no doubt in my mind it would be you.”

Huening watched him then, saw the way the 7-Eleven logo raised above him like some cheap halo and laughed.

“Okay, hyung,” he whispered.

The conversation was light and breezy, but it still left a heavy weight on his chest that was not unwelcome. It was like being blanketed by a cushioned duvet, leaving him warm. The cashier clicked his tongue when his favourite group’s performance ended and Soobin huffed an amused smile but didn’t utter a word.

Outside, fireworks started to light up the sky and Soobin’s chopsticks halted in the air as its user pressed himself up against the glass to see. Huening felt a smile tug on his lips. He looked at the digital clock by the fridges and saw that it was fifteen minutes till midnight.

In his pocket, his phone buzzed with a new text. Seeing that it was Yeonjun asking him about his whereabouts, he quickly replied before pocketing it back.

“Kai, look at this,” Soobin gushed, almost squishing his entire cheek on the window. “There’s so many of them.”

“Perks of being in Seoul,” Huening mused as he finished his cup.

From the TV, the MC stood in front of the other idols as she asked the audience if they were ready for the countdown.

“Let’s go outside and watch!” Soobin blurted, eyes wide when he turned to Huening.

Huening couldn’t say no. “Okay.”

They made quick work to clean up after themselves and bowed at the cashier just as the audience in the TV shouted the final ten seconds.

_Ten._

Soobin had tugged him outside, and the fresh wintry air greeted them with a soft whisper. Around them, snowflakes danced as they floated down from the sky. Huening tried to catch one in his hand.

_Nine._

The fireworks had only increased since ten minutes ago when they were inside the store and the dark sky before was now an illuminated colouring page of yellows, greens, whites, and reds. Soobin flashed him a smile when a particularly big one exploded in the sky. Huening could only beam back.

_Eight._

From down the block, Huening saw a large body of people waving around their streamers as they crossed the empty road. Soobin’s eyes widened.

“Let’s go to the park! Quickly!”

_Seven._

Huening dashed right after him as tenants of the apartments they were passing by threw confetti out the window, decorating his vision with glittering specks of gold and silver.

_Six._

They made it past the zebra cross and the park was just ahead. Soobin looked back and held an open hand to which Huening slid his fingers in without a second thought and let himself be pulled.

_Five._

They made it to the park entrance and saw clusters of families and friends around the fountain. Their chants fueled his anticipation of the new year, the new possibilities, and—he saw Soobin from the corner of his eyes—the new relationships.

_Four._

Huening turned to Soobin then, poking him.

“Hyung, what were you going to say to me back then at the karaoke lounge? Before Yeonjun hyung pulled me?”

 _Three_.

The little kids were screeched out the number as their parents laughed heartily behind them. Huening was still looking at Soobin and when the elder finally turned to meet him, he saw Soobin’s smile falter before he collected himself and intertwined their fingers.

Huening’s heart stuttered in his chest. Hope flickering, begging to be correct.

_Two._

“Let’s be good friends from now on,” Soobin offered, “no more ignoring and silence. Let’s just be good friends.”

Something in Huening broke, but he couldn’t exactly say what.

As the families around them geared themselves to welcome 2018, Huening was doing his best to not burst into tears.

_One._

“Okay,” he said, hoping he doesn’t sound like he was seconds away from crying. “Let’s be friends.”

_Zero!_

All around them then night sky was lit to flames as countless of fireworks exploded from every crevice of Seoul. The families cheered, husbands and wives hugged one another as their children jumped around from excitement. Beside him, Soobin grinned at him before he pulled Huening into a tight embrace.

“Happy new years!” he exclaimed.

Huening let out a faltering breath. “Happy new years, hyung.”

 

[Spring](https://youtu.be/OmNrzPN2u5Q?t=22) announced itself with dandelions that peeked between cracked pavements and a rosette filter over Seoul as cherry blossoms bloomed and fell. The sun shone just a tad brighter, but it was enough to trigger simmering happiness in everyone. Including Huening himself.

That night, Huening had Soobin walk him home and after a faux-cheerful goodbye, the boy had locked himself in his room and collapsed to the floor, sobbing his eyes out. He wasn’t sure because of what, but he knew the sorrow in his chest was suffocating him to the point where he could hardly breathe. The emptiness that invaded him pulled Huening into its embrace. He cried for what seemed like hours until the first dawn of the year greeted him with the muted morning light. Only then did he dare himself to crawl into his bed and promptly passed out.

After a week of scrutinising each and every move Soobin made, Huening realized that he was alone in this boat wallowing in self-pity. Soobin had treated him like the first time they got close, hanging off him and sitting by him whenever he can. Now, he was going as far as to joke with him and take him out to lunch or dinner if their time allowed them. Determined to maintain this steady friendship, Huening crammed the last bits of grief (he still doesn’t know for what!) down his throat and smiled at Soobin the same way he used to.

Yeonjun and Beomgyu were inseparable now, and Soobin had also started to grow closer to the boy. Huening remembered once when they first came back from their mini New Years break, Beomgyu had confessed to him that he thought Soobin didn’t like him. Huening had to hold his laughter before he dragged Soobin to their circle.

“Hyung, Beomgyu hyung thinks you don’t like him,” Huening said, pointing a finger at Beomgyu accusingly.

Beomgyu’s eyes were wide as saucers as he waved both arms in front of him. “No, no—sunbae, it’s not like that I—”

“What are you talking about?” Soobin asked, thick brows coming to the centre of his forehead as he chewed on something that Huening can only guess as bread. “I like you just fine. And call me hyung.”

Huening tilted his head at Beomgyu, raising an eyebrow as if to say: _see? He’s fine._

Beomgyu had promptly punched his arm afterwards, but seeing how close Soobin and Beomgyu had gotten now, Huening believed it was worth it.

Yeonjun had also been spending more time in the practice room, mastering every single dance they were given in no time because of his excitement over graduating from high school. Huening still has about three more years to go before he could ever be that free, but he quite enjoyed the way his days pan out. From waking up to school, to the practice room, then hanging out with Soobin (and Yeonjun and Beomgyu sometimes), and going back home before repeating the steps again the next day.

It was mid-march, just after Beomgyu’s birthday when he met a familiar face greeting him on his way to the practice room. Soobin had treated him for lunch in this small noodle place a couple of blocks away.

“See,” Soobin bragged, “hyung knows all the good spots around here.”

“That’s just cause you eat a lot,” Huening remarked, grinning when Soobin scowled at him.

“Huening Kai?”

“Oppa!”

Both boys halt in their steps, tearing their gaze from each other and fixed it to the front where two girls stood. Shin Ryujin, donned in a pink oversized puffy jacket, and a slightly taller girl who Huening can vaguely recognize from the New Years party waved at them.

“Huening Kai from BigHit,” Ryujin announced as she walked closer to the two of them, “how are you?”

Huening Kai eyed Soobin who had gone rigid beside him before he rushed a reply, “Ryujin noona! I’m good. How come you’re in BigHit?”

“We’re filming something for Bangtan-sunbaenim’s comeback,” the taller girl chimed in, transfixed on Soobin. Huening’s innards jolt and he looked away to meet Ryujin’s eyes instead.

Just as he was about to reply, Soobin beat him to it, “You’re filming for BTS? That’s so cool.”

“Yep! It’s called highlight reel or something,” the girl giggled, twirling her hair between her fingers and Huening has the overwhelming urge to snap them. “Will you be watching?”

“I don’t think they can, Yuna,” Ryujin said, siding up next to her.

Yuna pouted before she reached for the hem of Soobin’s hoodie. “That sucks.”

Huening’s eyes widened at how Soobin had yet to pull away and the ferocious bubble of anger just about to slip past his lips in curses.

“Shin Ryujin and Shin Yuna?”

The two girls snap their heads to the voice of a stout man clad in a grey suit. “Jung Hoseok is waiting for you upstairs. Follow me.”

Ryujin pivoted in her spot before she sent an apologetic smile at Huening. “Well, our meeting was cut short. It was nice to meet you.”

“You too,” he said softly. Ryujin lips tug into a genuine smile this time before she pulled at Yuna who was busy waving at Soobin.

Soobin waved once before he turned left into the long corridor that led to their practice room.

“Who was that?” Huening asked.

Soobin shrugged. “Some kid I met in the New Years party. From JYP I think.”

Huening hummed but kept with Soobin’s quickening pace with no sweat. He was finally by his side when he saw how Soobin’s lips were straight in a thin line and his eyes were clouded with some muted unconsciousness as if he wasn’t really there.

“You two seem close,” Huening commented innocently but had his eyes flit to watch Soobin’s reaction.

Soobin furrowed his brows, “I wouldn’t say so. You and that Ryujin girl, though.”

“She was the one who I was doing karaoke with,” Huening said.

Soobin hummed but he didn’t bring either girls up anymore, which had Huening both sigh in relief and revel in an endless loop of doubt regarding that Yuna girl and his hyung.

  
Weeks past before he got to see Ryujin again. This time, she was going over some box-step counts in the trainee’s practice room. Huening eyed her curiously, slacked jawed when he saw how fluidly she moved.

“Close your mouth, Huening Kai,” she grinned when she finished her routine. “Good morning.”

“Morning,” he groaned, “You dance…really well.”

“Years of dancing will do that to you,” she wittily replied before going over to the water dispenser and shutting off the music that played.

“They let you use this practice room?”

Ryujin shrugged before she faced him, “Why not? They said most trainees don’t come on Sundays, especially Sunday morning. And since the shoot is within a week, they want us to maximize our time here.”

Huening Kai nodded before he set his bag down by the door and shucked off his jacket to throw it by his duffel. “I’ll just watch you then.”

“Nonsense. Come here. Let’s dance to something. What are you learning right now?”  
She had pulled him to his feet and nagged until he finally switched his phone to connect with the AUX cord to play the song they’ve been taught for the past two weeks. He relayed her the dance steps up until the chorus and was starstruck when he saw how quickly she was catching up.

They danced until around nine in the morning when the door to the room creaked open. Huening was reminded of the first time he was caught in a practice room when he wasn’t supposed to be as he watched Soobin still underneath the door frame, watching the scene in front of him.

“Soobin hyung,” he called out, but Soobin directed his gaze at Ryujin instead.

He said, “I didn’t know they let JYP trainees use our practice room.”

Beside him, Ryujin bristled but when she replied, her tone was not unkind.

“The highlight reel shooting is in a week and they told me that I could use it if there was no one around.”

“Kai is here.”

“I was here before him.”

The two stared each other down and Huening began to see the tense cloud forming around them. He quickly rushed to Soobin to nudge him.

“Hey,” he hissed, “hyung, stop it. She was here first and asked me to dance with her. She’s a really good dancer.”

When Soobin finally tore his glare from Ryujin and to Huening, his jaw tightened before he made his way out of the room. When the door closed, Huening bowed to Ryujin and apologized profusely.

“Calm down, kid. It wasn’t your fault.”

Huening rubbed his hands together. “Yes, but he’s a friend of mine so I still need to apologise. I’m sorry, noona. He’s not usually like that.”

“Interesting,” Ryujin hummed from where she was sprawled across the floor. “He doesn’t really look like someone with anger issues.”

“He isn’t,” Huening was quick to agree.

Ryujin kicked her legs before she stilled then relaxed. “No, it couldn’t be.”

“What? What couldn’t be?”

Huening crawled to Ryujin’s side, begging for an explanation when Ryujin shook her head. “I don’t think it’s an idea worth entertaining anyway, it’s too far-fetched.”

“What is it?” Huening whined.

Ryujin quirked a brow then righted herself up. “Would you look at that, it’s time for me to go.”

“Noona!” he wailed, holding onto her ankle as she attempted to drag him with her across the floor to get her bag. “Please!”

“Okay, you really want to know?”

Huening nodded, eyes bright.

Ryujin bit her lip, tilting her head before looking down at him. “I think he’s jealous.”

“Jealous?” Huening asked.

“Yep. Of me.”

“Of how good of a dance you are?”

Ryujin looked down at him, nose scrunching before she laughed. “No, stupid. He’s jealous of me because I’m here with you.”

“What? That doesn’t make sense.”

“Right?” Ryujin questioned before moving over to grab her back. “Me too. But if he’s jealous it’s weird cause that means he has a crush on you.”

“A crush?” Huening’s brain short-circuited, but Ryujin doesn’t seem to notice.

Ryujin hummed but she looked back just as her leg was out of the door. “It’s weird, don’t listen to me, though. Bye, Huening Kai.”

 

Ryujin’s last words echoed in his head for the rest of the day until he couldn’t take it and cornered Beomgyu just before lunch.

“I need your help.”

Beomgyu shrieked in surprise, nearly dropping the cup of water in his hand. “Jesus, Kai, you scared me.”

“I need your help, hyung,” he said, tugging at his hand. “Please.”

“Geez, what’s gotten into you?”

“It’s a… love thing,” Huening muttered.

Beomgyu snapped his head to him at this. “A love thing?”

“What love thing, I heard love and I’m here,” Yeonjun stated as he bounded over to their conversation.

Huening groaned, stuffing his face between his hands. Thankfully, Soobin wasn’t in the room since he was called elsewhere by their dance instructor but Huening had too much in his head to worry about him at the moment.

“You know what this calls for?” Yeonjun asked the two of them, “Lunch! Let’s go, let’s go, let’s go.”

  
That was how he found himself being interrogated by his two friends over tteokbokki, which steamed between them. Yeonjun had his chin resting on his two hands, beaming up at him while Beomgyu sported the same bout of curiosity as he leaned forwards.

“So? Tell us,” Beomgyu quipped.

Huening sighed. “Okay… I have this friend. And,” Huening caught his two hyung’s eyes before he lied, “she’s acting weird recently.”

“How weird? Like avoiding you weird or clinging to you weird?”

“Avoiding? I guess,” Huening said, thinking of the many times he saw Soobin run out of the room when he was there.

Beomgyu pursed his lips, deep in thought before he asked, “Anything else?”

“Well. Another friend of mine who saw her said that she might be jealous of my friend who was with me at the time,” he explained.

“And how did she act to make you think she was jealous?”

Huening thought it over, thumbing the bowl in front of him. “She was, like, mad I think? At my friend though, not at me. But then, before, she told me she doesn’t like me around anyone else.”

“Did she say she doesn’t like anyone else near you except for her?” Beomgyu asked.

Huening shook his head. “No.”

The two hyungs averted their gaze down in contempt in complete synchrony. Yeonjun took his chopsticks and pinched a rice cake into his mouth, gasping at the heat before he opened his mouth again.

“I’m pretty sure this friend of yours likes you,” he said, eyes momentarily dark before the went back to their usual weightlessness.

Beomgyu agreed with a stroke of his chin. “Yeah, she sounds like she’s very possessive, but I mean is she usually this way with anyone else?”

“I don’t think so.”

“Then you have the answer,” Beomgyu said, “now the question is, do you like her?”

Huening dropped his head to his hands, “I don’t know.”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean, like, I don’t know what I felt. I think she was about to confess to me once,” he admitted, a painful twinge in his chest as he remembered New Year's Eve, “but when I asked her again she just… avoided it and said that we should be friends.”

  
Yeonjun’s mouth twisted over a rice cake. “That’s weird. But it sounds like she’s more afraid of changing your friendship than anything else, really. If you think she was actually going to confess, what would you have said?”

“I’m not sure,” Huening confessed, “but I cried after she told me we should stay friends, so I guess I don’t really see her as just a friend?”

“There you go. There’s your answer,” Beomgyu said, spooning a mouthful of broth.

Yeonjun nodded, grinning at him. “I can’t believe Huening is gonna ask someone out.”

“It’s not for sure! I just figured out I might have a crush on them today! It’s way too fast.”

“Ah, it’s whatever, dude,” Beomgyu said, “it’s spring. It’s practically the season of love. Just go for it.”

From across the table, Yeonjun gave him a thumbs up. Huening thought he might be sick.

  
That is how he became present him, pondering over his crush as he stood across the practice room with Shin Yuna hovering behind him before they had a play-fight consisting of tickles and giggles. Huening averted his gaze to see Ryujin coming his way.

“Do you mind us infesting your practice room just a bit?” she grinned as she descended beside him.

Huening shook his head with a smile. “How're preparations?”

“It’s in three days,” Ryujin said. “Can you believe? I’m filming a scene dancing with Jung Hoseok and Park Jimin. _The_ Jung Hoseok and Park Jimin.”

“Pretty wild.”

“It’s insane. Anyway, what’s up with you?”

Huening shrugged. “Nothing new. I guess it’s not like my ranking changed or we learned a new dance. It’s been pretty tame.”

Just then, the trainees all quieten down at the sound of their dance instructor’s orders to line up. Ryujin patted his knee before offering him a hand to stand up. He took it gratefully before going to line up beside her and Yuna, Soobin on his far left.

“When I call your name, step up,” the dance instructor bellowed, “Choi Yeonjun, Choi Soobin, Na Wonhyung, Kim Jungmin, Huening Kai.”

One by one, each male stepped forward and face the instructor. The man looked at them one by one before he smiled.

“Congratulations, you’re being put into a group.”

Behind him, cheers erupted but Huening Kai felt that the entire world had gone mute and the only thing he could hear was the heavy thudding in his chest. He clasped his chest, breathing in haggardly before he turned to others on the line. Yeonjun had tears streaming down his face as Kim Jungmin hugged him, probably sporting the same tear-soaked cheeks. Soobin had knelt on the floor and had his face in his hands. Na Wonhyung was surrounded by his clique as they chanted his name. It all left Beomgyu, who met his gaze with watery eyes.

“Hyung,” Huening whimpered. Beomgyu closed the gap between them and crushed him into a bone-crushing hug.

From the corner of his eye, he saw Ryujin cheered for him. 

 

Yeonjun and Jungmin had made them take a celebratory dinner together as a “group”. And, for a while, Huening’s dilemma of confessing disappears.

 

It made itself known again during the summer when the heat was too much for them to bear so Yeonjun and Beomgyu had insisted he and Soobin join them to go to the neighbourhood pool.

“Shouldn’t we invite Jungmin hyung and Wonhyung hyung?” Huening asked as Soobin and he made their way towards the pool. Soobin clicked his tongue.

“Can I be honest?”

Huening nodded.

Soobin sighed as he tugged on his Nike backpack. “I’m not really close with them. I think it’s only Yeonjun hyung who knows both of them. And as for Na Wonhyung… I don’t know how we’ll ever be a group with him.”

“But we can try,” Huening said.

Soobin nodded, eyes weary but smiling as he turned to face Huening. “We can try. Not today though. Let’s just have fun.”

Huening grinned at that.

The pool was surprisingly not that crowded for being in the middle of Seoul and also the summer, but Huening wasn’t about to complain. Not when he can finally soak in the cold body of water, making him untouchable from the scorching heat.

Yeonjun paddled over to him with one of the floats he snatched from the side of the pool. “Why aren’t you swimming?”

“I’m trying to lower my body heat,” Huening groaned as he lets himself float on the water like a buoy.

Yeonjun splashed at him. “Hey. Speaking of. Did you make a move on that girl yet?”

Huening opened an eye at him before he splashed him back.

“We’re being put through rigorous hours of training and you think I have the time to think about that?”

Yeonjun shrugged, “I don’t know. Maybe.”

“I haven’t.”

From the far end of the pool, Beomgyu shrieked as Soobin pulled him underneath the water and the two splashed around making ripples form around him and Yeonjun. Yeonjun laughed before he swam over, Huening hot on his tail.

Soobin removed his goggles and ran a finger through his hair when he resurfaced while Beomgyu gasped in for air.

“Hyung!” he yelled, “What was that for?”

“You stole my bread the other day.”

“That wasn’t me! That was Kai!”

As soon as his name was mentioned, Soobin snapped his gaze to him and immediately Huening Kai knew he had to run away. Yeonjun was already laughing before Huening hurled his float to the side and made a dash for it, starting with freestyle. He kicked at the water but felt the panic push him down the second a hand gripped his ankle and tugged him further into the water.

He didn’t want to accidentally hurt his hyung so he let himself be dragged under even when he saw the light become farther and farther. They were nearly halfway down the three-meter pool and Huening’s lungs began to constrict, but he does nothing.

Finally, Soobin appeared before him, and even in the water and behind those ugly green goggles, Huening knew his hyung was smirking. Huening reached out to pinch his cheeks for good measure before he started to make his way above the water. But Soobin stopped him in his place with a palm on his cheek, like a soft caress.

Huening doesn’t know if it was the lack of air or the touch that made him dizzy, but either way, he needed to escape. He grasped the hand on his cheek with his own, intertwining their fingers, before he kicked up to reach the surface.

When he finally breaks through, he heaves in the air he was missing as Soobin swam to the edge of the pool and pulled himself out. Once he caught his breath, Huening padded over to him.

“I’m sorry I ate your bread,” he said.

Soobin had chucked his goggles to the side and laughed. “It’s fine.”

“You’re not going to scold me?”

“I could never be mad at you.”

Droplets trailed down from Soobin's fringe, which the boy had pushed up, down to the underside of his ear until it travelled down the wide expanse of his neck. Huening's heart stammered in his chest. He held Soobin’s heavy stare evenly as the two exchanged breaths, but before he could say anything, their two friends had bounded over and pushed Soobin back into the pool.

He memorised the way the sun had shone through the window panes and the warmth that hit his skin because it was the last time for a long time till he felt the same comfort again.

 

  
Debuting in itself was a hard feat, Huening knew this. He had watched countless of trainee vlogs about their failed debut or their cancellation because the job was too demanding. Especially to BigHit’s first ever boy group ever since their big success with BTS, more pressure had been placed on his skinny shoulders and if the burden were physical there would have been marks etched onto his pale skin.

Regardless, Huening ground his teeth and firmed his eyes to their end goal: their debut. He paid no mind to the passing autumn outside the building and the increasing amount of layers he had to put on before stepping foot out of his house. His school’s term exams had also commenced and Huening’s head somehow still found time to have migraines between his studies and practices.

It was little comfort that Soobin always met him just before they go inside for another gruelling practice session, leaning against their building in the alleyway between BigHit and its neighbouring office tower. With every passing day he walked by, Soobin would kick himself off the wall and step in tandem with him. Some days, he asked how school went, and others, Soobin revelled in silence.

Huening wasn’t entirely sure how to describe their relationship, _their friendship_ , but he wouldn’t trade it for anything the world could offer. His hyung understood him in ways no one else in the group could and presently, when everything seemed to be crumbling all around him, Huening relished the quiet, attentive company.

As the days dulled and grew shorter, the dance and singing practices escalated. It was evident that none of the boys could hold on much longer, not without a break. Still, their coaches relentlessly dissected every err and berated them for their mistakes. Huening was spinning into a particularly sharp turn when he lost his footing and bumped into the member beside him, which—to his luck—happened to be Na Wonhyung.

Ever since they were grouped together, Na Wonhyung had turned face and pretended he had never provoked Huening in the past, but the silence can only go for so long and Huening knew this moment had come when Wonhyung charged at him.

“Yah! Do you have eyes?” he jeered. Huening studied his pants, clasped both hands in front of him just below his hips.

“Sorry, sunbae.”

“Na Wonhyung, that’s enough,” their instructor warned.

Wonhyung rounded on their coach, arms wide by his side. “Did you see that? He’s barely even trying,” the boy seethed, “Why is he even in the group?”

“Wonhyung,” Yeonjun snapped. “Enough.”

“No. Not enough,” Wonhyung scoffed, “You guys obviously don’t see that the kid is just a marketing ploy to attract more people because he’s half white! That’s all he’s bringing to the group. That’s it!”

Wonhyung had balled his fist at the rest of them and was panting by the time he finished his conviction. Huening stood behind him, arms crossed on his chest and hands gripped his sides. He could feel the others’ stares but had no energy in him to assure them.  
Their coach was the one to break the silence. He gripped Wonhyung’s jacket by the hoodie and dragged him outside. “Go cool down. Don’t come back until you got yourself sorted.”

With that, he slammed the door.

Everyone didn’t know what to say to him, and perhaps that was why none of them came to his side afterwards—instead slinked back into themselves as they wait for their next instruction. Huening clenched his fists, pulling his bottom lip by his teeth, and bristled in the quietness for the rest of their session.

Soobin had caught him just before he left.

“Are you okay?” he asked, hands paused in mid-air as if restraining himself.

Huening nodded wearily. “I’m fine.”

“No, Kai, seriously. What he said wasn’t true. You’re more than that.”

“I said I’m fine,” Huening snapped. He bent to snatch his bag then faced Soobin once more. “I’m sorry, hyung. I just…not today.”

With that, he left the building and the boy behind.

Even when Wonhyung was forced to bow to him in apology the next day, he knew the worst was yet to come.

And he was right.

 

The angry bursts had evolved into poorly hidden leers and sneers, but what surprised him the most was that Jungmin was also in on the joke. He started to shoulder past him if they came to cross paths or even slip a couple of snide remarks if he caught Huening faltering during their practice. It had Beomgyu on edge, but Huening had calmed him with a reassuring smile which he hoped was enough to calm himself down as well.

After his birthday, which was only celebrated by Beomgyu, Yeonjun, and Soobin after their practice, Bang PD himself walked into their practice room with a wide smile.

“How are you guys?” he inquired. “Are they doing well?”

The dance instructor nodded, bowing slightly as he replied. “They’re getting better.”

“Good. Good. I have news.”

The six boys piqued their head with interest. Yeonjun bounced in his spot.

“What is it, PD-nim?” he asked as though he was speaking to Santa for the first time.

Bang PD merely smiled before he turned to the door and called out, “Taehyun-ah, come inside.”

A scraggly boy with a high-perched nose entered the room, Huening—like the others—watched him cautiously.

“Um,” he muttered before he attempted to meet everyone’s stares. “My name is Kang Taehyun, nice to meet you.”

As the boy bowed, so did the other boys in the room. Bang PD clapped his hands together.

“Right. Well. Taehyun-ah will be joining you guys. He’s part of the group now.”

Jungmin was quick to object, stepping over the other members to reach the front. “Hold on, just like that? Without training?”

The slight twitch in Bang PD’s brows did not go unnoticed by Huening, who stood in his proximity. Bang PD pressed his lips in a thin line and said, “He has been training under different entertainment. Longer than you have trained, Jungmin-ssi. So please do treat him with respect.”

Jungmin gave the new kid a once-over and huffed before he stalked away to the back of the crowd.

Huening caught the concerned look that pinched Bang PD’s face before he left the boys to their own.

  
Huening and Taehyun became fast friends when they realised they were same-year friends. With this newfound information, Huening took it to himself to show Taehyung the culture around them and all their strict regulations they have to follow since they were in a group.

“Bang PD-nim showed me before,” Taehyung said, “but it’s okay. Tell me more about the other members.”

“Oh, them?” Huening asked, throwing a glance behind his shoulder at the cluster of boys by the mirror.

Soobin, as always, was resting against the mirror and scrolled through his phone while Yeonjun was playing pig-in-the-middle between Wonhyung and Jungmin. Huening tilted his head and parted his lips to begin, but found himself short for words.

“They’re… good, I guess. They’re all very uniquely talented.”

“Yeonjun hyung told me he’s the first in rank?” Taehyun asked.

Huening shrugged, “He’s not lying. He told me the same thing too when I first came in.”

The two boys laughed before they made their way toward the centre after being summoned. The dance they were learning now had been the same for the past week, mostly because Huening still couldn’t find the positioning right. Despite his late start, Taehyun had caught up speedily and even perfected the one spin Huening has yet to master.

“Look at that,” Wonhyung mused from the far side of their ensemble, “the new kid can learn what Huening can’t in twenty minutes.”

“Shut it,” Yeonjun hissed. Wonhyung rolled his eyes but relented.

Taehyun eyed Wonhyun before he bounced over and whispered Huening’s ear. “Is he always like that to you?”

“Yeah.”

“He’s mean,” Taehyun clicked his tongue. “Ugly people can’t be mean.”

Huening huffed at that, catching his laugh with the palm he stuck to his mouth. Taehyun beamed back before his face fell stoic as he dove back into the choreography.

 

  
It happened one dark evening. The weather had been terrible throughout the entire day and Huening had arrived to practice late, school shoes soaked after having to run in the rain at one particularly puddly neighbourhood. The dance instructor had waved him off to get changed while the other members kept on practising. But Na Wonhyung had a peculiar glint in his eye that made Huening shiver in his damp uniform.

Like always, Huening would miss some of the beats before he plunged back into synchrony with the others. So far, he had ignored Jungmin’s snarky note of his too-big shoes and even the ‘uneven bridge between his eyes’. He was doing so well until the moment he tripped over someone's elongated leg and promptly had the instructor restart the whole song.

"What the hell?" a voice protested, "Why do we have to redo the whole song when only one lousy person messed up?"

Na Wonhyun fumed from where he stood by the speakers. Yeonjun already had an arm to shush him.

"Ah, seriously. Jungmin hyung, you're going to take all of this?"

Kim Jungmin stood with his arms behind him, chewing on his left cheek before he replied. "Instructor, I think we should make the person who messed up go through it by themselves."

"Are you serious?" Beomgyu scoffed, eyes wide. "Yah, Wonhyun, we all go through it because we're a team, stupid. What's not clicking in your head?"

Just like that, Wonhyun had crossed the distance between Beomgyu and he in four quick strides before he had Beomgyu's collar in his grip. In the background, Yeonjun screamed for them to stop.

"What, you think you're so tough, huh?" Beomgyu sneered, "Fuck off."

Jungmin was the one to act first, he hauled Huening from where he lay on the floor until the kid was upright again before he shoved him into the mirror. "Speak again and we'll see what's going to happen."

The instructor had attempted to pull Wonhyun off Beomgyu, but his fist was well interwoven with the thin tee the other boy was wearing.

Huening felt Jungmin twisted his collar even tighter as the seconds etched on. Just as he thought it was over, Beomgyu spat on Wonhyun's face and hissed, "Dick."

The hand in his collar lost its grip before it came back full force only this time it was circled around his neck. As Wonhyun threw the first blow, Taehyun and Yeonjun rushed to the pair to pull them apart but Huening's neck reddened as Jungmin watched the fight and gradually clenched his fingers. Huening's gaze the room, looking for help until he finally caught Soobin's eyes.

The elder's mouth was open agape, and Huening reached out with one arm before Jungmin snapped his gaze to him and threw his body weight behind his chokehold, crushing Huening's windpipe along with his breath. Huening clawed at Jungmin's wrist madly.

Huening met Soobin's eyes once more, a silent plea in his watery eyes as the clawing ceased to a stop. Soobin was mid-dash, lips suspended in a scream that was muffled to his ears.

"Soobin hyung," he whimpered.

Just like that, Huening was out like a light.

 

  
Huening woke to the sound of soft snoring, followed by the muted thrum of the air conditioning. He blinked before he attempted to call out, only to find tears springing to his eyes at the burn in his throat. Huening could only let out a soft gasp before he was fumbling around to find a glass of water. Seeing the cup by the stand to his right, the boy snatched it greedily before he downed its entirety in one gulp.

He caught sight of himself in the small hanging mirror by the computer and reached up to thumb at the gauze around his neck as the memory of Jungmin's fingers around him rushed back. Huening slapped a palm to his mouth as he choked on a sob, wailing silently at the ghost of his senior's touch on his neck.

A pair of warm arms wrapped themselves around him, bringing him down into an embrace as he wept.

"I've got you," soothed a watery voice. ["I'm here."](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PUBlw65Xaa4)

Huening's frame shook with the force of his cries, and he dove deeper into the person's chest, breath stuttering at the gentle caress of his scalp. When his sobbing died down, Huening reached for the tissue box on the bedside table and dabbed his swollen face with it repeatedly before he could succumb the confidence to face the person.

Expecting his parents or even Beomgyu, Soobin's tear-streaked face met his instead. His hyung's lip wobbled when he caught sight of the dressing covering what Huening knew would be navy-black petals on the pale plane of his skin.

"Huening-ah," Soobin mourned, "I'm so sorry."

Huening didn't have the voice in him to reassure his hyung, but he took Soobin's hand in his, placing it on top of his lap and shaking his head. Soobin mewled, whimpering when Huening's other hand came up to stroke his head.

"I should've gone to you faster. You wouldn't have had to..."

Soobin threw his face into the mattress. For a while, he didn't come back up, which gave Huening enough time to realise they were in the BigHit infirmary.

"Hyung," Huening croaked out, "I'm not mad."

Soobin raised his head, brown eyes dark with sorrow. "It doesn't matter if you are or you aren't! He was choking you and I was just there doing nothing!"

"Hyung..."

"No, accept my apology, at least do that much for me, Huening. Please."

Huening peered down to his hyung before he exhaled. "I forgive you."

"Where are the others?" he asked then.

Soobin's eyes still haven't left his neck. "Jungmin and Wonhyun are being sent to Bang PD's office, Beomgyu is getting treated in the other infirmary. I think Jungmin might even face court if you press charges."

Huening shook his head and sighed, "I'm not going to."

"Not going to what?"

"Press charges--I'm not going to."

Soobin snapped his head to him, disbelief pouring out from each and every pore in his face. "You're doing what?"

"I'm not going to press charges."

"But he strangled you!"

"Yes, but he might as well lose his place his here, get kicked out, maybe even be homeless. Who knows."

"You cannot be serious," Soobin hissed. "That man assaulted you, you have every right to make sure he's unemployed for the rest of his life. He deserves that much."

"This is not your fight." Huening bit back, equally as driven. "Stop it, hyung. I don't want to deal with it anymore."

"Huening..."

Huening met his gaze then, pleading. Finally, Soobin tore his gaze away and huffed out an air of exasperation. Huening leaned back on his pillow, letting the seconds tick by.

"I don't know what I would've done if something had happened to you."

Huening's ears perked at this and he slyly shifted in his spot to make sure he can see Soobin in his periphery. The elder wasn't even facing him, instead, he was fixated with the white bedding underneath Huening.

Soobin mumbled, "I saw you there and the way you looked so helpless, I wanted to move to you but I couldn't. I don't know why I couldn't."

"Hyung..."

"Listen," Soobin interrupted him, "Huening-ah. When you dropped unconscious, it was like I wasn't even controlling my own body. I ran to you as fast as I could to make sure you were fine before I dealt with Jungmin. But the way you were lying there, I kept cursing myself because you wouldn't know. You couldn't know."

"Know what?" Huening whispered, rising from his position prone on the bed.

Soobin took his hand and played with his fingers. "I never told you. It was something I wanted to say for a long time, but I couldn't. I always thought about what others would say to me, to you..."

"To me?"

"To us," Soobin said with an air of finality.

Huening sucked in a breath, heart thundering in his chest. "Hyung..."

Soobin tilted his head before he rose from his seat and rested against the bed railing instead, meeting eye-to-eye with Huening. The elder interlocked their hands with a soft hum.

"Kai," he said, "can I kiss you?"

Huening didn't reply, he nodded his head once and Soobin closed the gap between them.

As any first kiss goes, it was nothing special, but it was the way he could feel Soobin's lips spread into a smile and the warm tufts of hot air from the other that made the kiss burn.

"I like you," Soobin murmured into Huening's lips.

Huening said, breathlessly, "Me too."

"You like yourself, too?"

Huening's cheeks reddened at the tease. He punched Soobin's bicep softly before he whined, "I meant I like you."

"Say it again."

Huening looked over to Soobin. The boy sported a boyish grin, eyes dopey and cheeks high Huening was sure it must've hurt. Huening beamed back.

"I like you, hyung."

Soobin's smile widened before the boy planted his face into his hands and screamed weakly. Huening wondered how it was possible for one to be so endeared by one person, but he doesn't question it when his heart fluttered when Soobin surged up to cup his face and kissed him senseless.

And maybe this moment was enough for Huening to disregard whatever confusion he had faced before. Maybe Choi Soobin was enough for him. 

Because crushes weren't deep and, maybe, neither was infatuation. But Huening doesn't need to know all about love for him to understand that the warmth in his chest that appeared when Choi Soobin was around was nothing short of it.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> um. hi. so it's currently 12:36AM where i'm at and i've been writing this since the crack of dawn today because i really wanted to give this to you guys. i hadn't planned it to be 15K words long, it was actually set to be 10k but i guess there was a lot i really wanted to say with this piece.
> 
> i'm part of this group chat on twitter and while they make great company, one of the reasons why i'm not active on it is because of the constant bashing towards sookai/huebin. i don't exactly know why they feel the need to attack it every so often, but they do and ngl it kinda pissed me off so i got petty and decided to write it all out here. and THEN three days later in a fansign my mans choi soobin DEADASS said he doesn't care about age LMAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
> 
> so i guess this was really just my "venting" about how sookai CAN be real. to all the antis out there who think of them as merely brothers but claim they can see yeonbin dating... please.... the HYPOCRISY
> 
> WHILE WE'RE ON THIS TOPIC! i just wanted to remind you that if you "ship" (as in like truly believe all that shit is teh GAY shit) them but can't see them in an actual relationship,,,, my guy.... ur fetishising gay relationships and this is NOT OKAY. as a GayTM myself, i really feel sick whenever i see fetishisers comment on fandom ships and get wild with it but cant and WONT accept members if they were actually gay. like that's not cool... 
> 
> idk why i'm rambling but i guess i just missed u guys a lot so i came bearing with gifts 
> 
> anyway this is not proofread yet so any mistakes,,, just turn a blind eye. it'll be fixed by next week. 
> 
> thank u love u mwah!! 
> 
> twt: @FAIRYJ00N


	6. the age thing

There’s an incessant ring in his ear. Huening Kai thinks he’s going to be sick.

 

“Kai, are you okay?” 

 

The boy feels a tough arm shake his shoulders gently before it gradually increases the intensity and he watches as the hazy world sway in front of him. 

 

“We need to get him to lie down.”

 

Another pair of hands touch him, then another, until Huening feels his chest tighten and his lungs constrict. He lifts a clammy hand, swinging t around, but the heaviness in his wrist doesn’t allow him to carry the motion out as he would like and before he knows it someone catches his fingers and intertwines them together.

 

There’s a sudden pause before a voice declares, “I’ll take him.”

 

Suddenly, all those grubby hands on him are gone and replaced by two strong arms curling around his waist before hoisting him up into a carry by his knees. Huening didn’t make a sound, only resting his head on the expanse of whoever might be carrying him out of there. 

 

He has a guess, but the thought had drifted far away from him as he was pulled into a deep slumber. 

 

 

 

\- 

 

 

When he comes to, it’s to the sight of their dorm room’s splotchy egg-shell ceiling. There’s a stillness in the air that suggests the other boys might not be home but the slow creak of the door told him otherwise. 

 

Soobin walks in, nose tucked in his phone.

 

His stomach churns. 

 

“Hyung,” Huening calls out, voice hoarse. 

 

Soobin’s eyes immediately snap up from his screen before the boy pockets his phone into his back pocket. Slowly, Soobin takes a tentative step and Huening wishes they can just forget. Watching Soobin walk on egg-shells around him hurts more than the growing ebb in his head. 

 

Soobin settles himself on the bed beside him— _Taehyun_ , Huening’s mind supplies. 

 

After a beat, he says, “You’re awake.”

 

Huening thinks he’d much rather be knocked out still. He doesn’t think he can endure the awkwardness between them now.

 

Huening fiddles with his fingers, eyes downcast. There’s the sound of children screaming and Huening catches sight of the clock above the door frame, it was fifteen past midday. Huening gulps. 

 

The air-conditioning had just been turned on, Huening thinks, if the soft hum and onset of dusty humidity is anything to go by. 

 

“Are you,” Soobin starts before he trails off, scratching at the nape of his neck, “are you okay?”

 

Huening hums a response, still not looking at the other’s direction. “Was practice stopped?”

 

“No. The members are still at Big Hit.”

 

“Then why is hyung here?”

 

Two heartbeats pass before Huening feels the dread wash over him like icy water. Only when Soobin’s wide eyes flit over to his face and he starts to stand did Huening’s brain finally catches on.

 

“Wait,” Huening calls, “wait that’s not what I—hyung.”

 

But Soobin shakes his head, already fishing out his phone to call the driver. 

 

“It’s fine. I get it.”

 

“Hyung,” Huening pleads, an arm reaching towards the elder. The weight of his earlier drowsiness still kept his limbs hostage and Huening only manages to hook his fingers on the hem of Soobin’s grey hoodie. 

 

He chokes out, “Please.”

 

Soobin stays still. He doesn’t move nor did he acknowledge Huening’s bowed head. He remains silenced, just like how Huening demanded of him a week ago. 

 

Then, Soobin says, “What do you want, Huening?”

 

_Huening. Not Kai or Hyuka anymore._ Huening squeezes his eyes shut, searching for an answer in the spotty, maroon darkness. 

 

“Hyung, I’m sorry,” Huening whispers. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. Please.”

 

Above him, Soobin’s face remains stoic. Instead, the boy goes back on his phone before he taps on the screen lightly and brings it up to his ear. 

 

“Yes, manager-nim? Can you please pick me up? Huening Kai is fine.”

 

“Hyung…”

 

Soobin ends the call with a stiff ‘thank you’. Huening tightens his grip on Soobin’s hem, bunching up the fabric with all his might if that would make him stay. 

 

“Hyung, I said I’m sorry,” Huening whimpers, finally snapping his gaze to search for Soobin’s eyes. The elder fixates his eyes to the door frame, mouth thin in a line. 

 

“Hyung, please…”

 

With a sigh, Soobin grabs for Huening’s wrist before he picks apart each and every single one of his fingers from his hoodie. Huening doesn’t think he can breathe. 

 

“No,” Huening cries, “no, hyung. No. Please, listen to me.”

 

When Soobin still doesn’t show him remorse, Huening lets out a heavy sob. 

 

“Hyung!” he wailed, furiously wiping his tears away. 

 

“Huening… stop.”

 

But Huening’s cries fail to cease, his shoulders shaking violently with the force he feels like he’s on the brink of a second passing out. 

 

Soobin crouches in front of him, taking his arms away from his face. “Kai…”

 

“Hyung, I’m sorry,” Huening whimpers, trying his best to inhale as much as he could to stop the spinning in his head. 

 

Soobin nods, hand coming up to brush Kai’s hair. “I know, I know… breathe first. Come on, you can do it… breathe.”

 

Once Huening’s breathing finally evens out and the boy is no longer leaking from his eyes, Soobin sighs, lifting himself up. 

 

An ugly sound escapes from Huening’s throat, the boy reaches out immediately for the elder’s hand, but Soobin shakes his head before he sits back on Taehyun’s bed.

 

“I’m not going,” Soobin explains. Huening’s chest nearly collapses with the relief, he steadies himself with an arm on the bed.

 

“Huening. You know you can’t keep doing this.”

 

Huening catches Soobin’s gaze, deep brown eyes framed heavily with thick brows that were pulled down with distress. 

 

“I don’t know what to do, hyung,” Huening confesses into the silence. “I don’t know what I’m doing.”

 

“That doesn’t mean you can keep playing with me like this.”

 

“Hyung, I never—”

 

Soobin perches on the bed, eyes accusatory as it lands on Huening’s blotchy face. “You never what? What do you call rejecting someone without reason and then not talking to them for a week—ignoring them, and then suddenly passing out and begging for my apology.”

 

“Hyung…”

 

“Kai, you…when you said that to me, I couldn’t…I never would’ve thought you were someone to say something like that.”

 

“I didn’t mean it,” Huening rushes to explain himself.

 

Soobin scoffs, “Then why did you say it?”

 

“Because everyone else keeps saying it!” he cried. “Everyone keeps—they keep talking about us online, they comment on us, you know? And it’s not good, hyung. They think it’s weird.”

 

“What’s weird?” Soobin asks quietly. 

 

Huening exhales out a ragged breath. His mind torturously conjures up the mountains of tweets, both in English and Korean, the many insults are thrown at Soobin’s way for being way older than him, for the people who believed in them. Huening clenches his hands into fists on top of his lap. 

 

“They think this… we’re weird. They call us names, hyung. You should’ve seen—“

 

“Hey, hey…” Soobin finally moves, settling beside him and taking his hand. Even the weight of his fingers between his own grounds Huening. “Don’t rush. What did they say?”

 

“The age thing! They called you names. They called people who liked us names. They said our relationship is weird,” Huening lists off, and with each one, his voice becomes wetter and wetter. “What do we do, hyung?”

 

Soobin hums, gripping Huening’s hand in his tightly, and swings his legs as if Huening had not just told him the internet hated them being hypothetically together. 

 

“Nothing.”

 

“What?”

 

“We do nothing,” Soobin says. “What’s the point? We’re not allowed to say anything, and even if we could, it wouldn’t help anything anyway. So, nothing.”

 

“But…”

 

Soobin tuts at him. “Hyuka,” (at the nickname, Huening finally sags in relief,) “what can they do?”

 

“What do you mean?”

 

The elder turns to him then, still holding on to his hand. “I mean, all those netizens. What can they do? They don’t know us, they don’t know where we live.”

 

“But what about the people who like us? They get hated on too,” Huening wonders softly.

 

“Oh, baby,” Soobin croons, “is that what you were worried about?”

 

“And other things.”

 

Soobin croons at him, roping an arm around his shoulder to bring Huening closer to his chest. “You were worried about others, but you didn’t spare my feelings twice.”

 

“Hyung, I’m—”

 

“Sorry, yeah. I’ve heard that before,” Soobin says.

 

Huening shakes his head, pulling himself out of the embrace. “No, I mean it. I’m sorry I called you dumb, I’m sorry I called our relationship stupid, I’m sorry I keep telling you to hide it from our friends.”

 

“Hyuka…”

 

“I’m sorry,” Huening says, eyes burning, “that we can’t be like normal couples.”

 

Soobin sighs before he pats Huening’s head. “Hyung is sorry too. I should’ve thought about how seeing that might’ve hurt you.”

 

“Doesn’t it affect you at all?” Huening asks. 

 

Soobin shrugs. “Not as much as people would think. I don’t go into that area when I go online. Why would I want to know what others think of us when what we think of us matter most?”

 

Huening opens his mouth to objects but Soobin plants a soft kiss on his temple. 

 

“Put it this way. To me, it doesn’t matter what people say about you because to me you’re more than enough. You’re amazingly talented and you’re much more good looking than half the other trainees we’ve seen.”

 

“Hyung,” Huening gasps, hitting him on his thigh. 

 

Soobin laughs but he doesn’t take back his sentiment. “Seriously. I wouldn’t be lying. You see? Does it matter what people say about me? Does that change what you think of me?”

 

Huening shakes his head. 

“Good,” Soobin says. “Then please don’t let it change your mindset on what we have. We might not have labels or the sort, but I… really want us to be together.”

 

“Then—”

 

Soobin shakes his head, eyes apologetic. “Not until you’re old enough, baby. You know this.”

 

Huening huffs, but he gets it. He knows. Soobin would never do that to him, he was raised morally and with integrity that Huening has never been surer of anything other than his name and the goodness within Soobin’s person. 

 

 

He realises then when they’re sitting at the backseat of the van taking them to the Big Hit building and Soobin has his pinky outstretched just enough so they were linking with Huening’s own pinky, that Soobin was right. 

 

They didn’t know him. They didn’t know them. And that was a good enough reason to continue. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello im back and mad (again) akjdakldaj i wrote this in my maths class because my soobin gc (yes the one i was complaining about last time) got triggered seeing a sookai au on twitter and they sent it in the group chat and told everyone to block/report her for "shipping an adult with a minor" BUT SHE DIDN'T EVEN SEXUALISE THEM IM ??? and one of them was like "soobin is an ADULT in korea he's like taehyung's age" ,,,, ma'am,,,, i just know this bitch isn't asian. there's no way you can equalise age like that here in asia no WAY. 
> 
> anyway enough about me ranting. this was a filler chapter (ofc) i can't provide you guys with goodies as in fluff today babies :( i was really angry seeing that. like the girl did nothing wrong and they decided to attack her
> 
> i hope you guys are getting the rest you deserve and if you're getting too much, i hope you find the will to be productive. 
> 
> i'll see you soon <3


	7. as the weeks go

“You chose this room because you knew I was going to choose this room, right?”

Soobin’s all coy grin even as he’s being swallowed whole by the thick ivory comforter. Huening Kai’s eyes dart towards the tiny camera perching on top of the small closet in front of him.

“No.”

There’s a soft scoff before rustling beside him. Soobin raises himself with an elbow as he faces Huening’s bed. The younger gulps but remains still in his own one.

“Ah, Soobin hyung chose this room so I must choose this room, too,” Soobin singsongs.

It has been relentless as of late, Huening Kai believes—Soobin’s teasing. Still, they were on camera and he can’t afford to say anything that was not expected of him so the boy perks his voice in reply.

He says, “I was devastated when you walked in.”

Before the elder of the two could make a retort, Huening Kai rushes in with another input.

“I heard you talking in the hallway.”

“Really?” Soobin scratches his ear noncommittally before returning his strong gaze on the younger. “You love me, you can’t escape me.”

Huening Kai simply directs his eyes towards the ceiling and he trudges on. “The members would love this room, but I don’t think any of them chose it.”

He deepens his voice in a faux replay of Soobin’s earlier guess as the elder threw his head back and laughed.

Outside, the big apple is still awake. If he focuses, Huening Kai is sure he can pick up the distant honks of taxis and crawling traffic.

“Well,” Soobin sighs after a while, “goodnight.”

Huening Kai steals a glance his way before he rights himself again. The elder watches him, a lazy smile painted across his face as his eyes flutter shut. Knowing his hyung, Huening Kai is sure he isn’t getting off that easily. Still, he has to humour the fans watching anyway. So without a second of hesitance, the younger replies.

“Goodnight, Soobin.”

The leader hums low in his throat as he nestles further into the duvet.

“Dream about me.”

“Yes,” Huening Kai says softly. Then, “Yes, wait what?”

Soobin brings his thumb to his mouth, Huening Kai didn’t even have to look to know what his hyung was doing as his giggles echo throughout the room mixing with the low rumble of the air conditioner.

Huening Kai grunts as he turns. “That’s going to be a nightmare.”

“Goodnight,” he says again with no real air of finality.

“Yeah,” Soobin hums, “goodnight.”

  
Huening Kai lets the soft plush of the duvet brush his cheek. Just as he was bound to slip into the realms of a deep sleep, he hears the telltale thumps of footsteps trodding away and then a soft click before said footsteps came nearer.

“Is it off?” He murmurs into the covers.

“Of course.”

Wordlessly, the boy lifts up the duvet and smiles when the body of warmth slipped in behind him. Slowly, he feels the curious touch of hands before an arm was snaked over his waist as the elder pulled him closer.

“You’re so mean to me, Hyuka,” the elder whined into his shoulder.

Huening Kai laughs softly, slapping at the arm around him. “What did I even do?”

The elder grunts something low under his breath, Huening Kai rolls his eyes before he turns around. Soobin’s arm falls between them at the interruption.

“What is it, hyung?” Huening Kai asks as he looks into Soobin’s eyes, ignoring the thumping of his heart.

Soobin only stares back before he replies quietly. “Sometimes I feel like you’re rejecting me in front of the others.”

“What?”

“Never mind, it’s stupid. Forget it. Let’s sleep.”

“No, wait, hyung,” Huening Kai rushes, he takes his hyung’s hand in his and intertwines their fingers before bringing them to his chest. “Please tell me.”

It might have been the jet-lag or the darkness, but for a second Huening Kai saw something flash in his hyung’s eyes before it vanished as quick as it came. Soobin clears his throat before he readjusts them, putting his free arm around Huening Kai in favour of cuddling him to his chest.

“Don’t worry so much about it,” Soobin hums, “it’s nothing.”

Before Huening Kai can sulk about it, he is yanked out of his reverie when he felt warm lips peck his temple.

“Hyung?”

Soobin hums, and when Huening Kai turns his gaze up he sees his hyung’s eyes closed. Like this, Huening Kai can appreciate the way Soobin’s dark lashes fall gently across his cheekbones and the troughs of his pink lips. Before he could do anything he would regret, the boy rests back into his earlier spot on the elder’s chest and waits.

The silence that swims around them is not unpleasant, Huening Kai notes. There’s a sense of serenity that had been captured and stored in their hotel room that night and the boy would love to spend his remaining days just there. With his head on Soobin’s chest and his arms around him as the air swirls above them.

There was a loud smack before the muffled sound of guffaws. Soobin’s about to rise when Huening Kai placed a firm hand on his chest to lay him down again.

“It’s probably Yeonjun hyung and Beomgyu hyung. They must be playing something.”

If Soobin had doubted him, he did not show him because the next second he was already pulling Huening Kai back in the embrace.

“Do you think they know?” Soobin asks after a pregnant silence.

“About us?”

“Yeah.”

Huening Kai mulls it over, allows his brain to sift through the countless of hours he had spent with the other members to search for anomalies in their reactions. He shrugs.

“Never seemed like it to me.”

Soobin hums but doesn’t say much else. Instead, the leader traces pretty patterns along Huening Kai’s exposed arm. He doesn’t mind it much, he only wishes the thundering in his heart would stop.

It has been months since their debut. The world has slowly morphed a nicer image of them that, while did not separate them from their senior group, saw them as creative individuals pursuing a dream.

Between him and Soobin, they’ve been running under the shadows and locked storage rooms. Interlocked pinkies under fan sign tables and the back seat of vans. And sometimes, like tonight, pressed together so intimately that not even a speck of dust could make it through them.

Still, their image as a group before all else had been the principle agreed at the start and Huening Kai would do anything if he could help his friends reach their dreams. Even if it meant he and Soobin could only be together without a witness.

“What are you thinking about?”

Huening Kai blinks himself aware. “Things.”

“What things?”

“You know,” Huening Kai fiddles with the hem of his shirt, “just… us. Being a secret.”

At this, Soobin lifts himself with his other arm so that he could face the boy properly. “What?”

“Just. Us, being like this. The usual.”

“The usual?”

“Yes, the usual, because I think about telling our friends about us all the time but it never feels appropriate. What if they don’t agree? What if they force us to go apart?”

“Hey,” Soobin coos, the arm around Huening Kai came up to his head to caress the mop of hair atop him. “Breathe. There's no way they would do that to us.”

Huening Kai surges up to him. “Yeah, but what if, hyung? What then?”

Soobin takes a second to marvel at the boy on top of him but it takes him less than a second to reach up and press for a soft kiss on the other’s lips. When they parted, Huening Kai’s eyes are unfocused and Soobin wonders if he was allowed to take a picture to immortalise the sight for eternity.

“Hyuka,” Soobin says, “I’m sure the members would understand if you decide to tell them.”

“What do you mean if I had to tell them. What about you? Why aren’t you telling them?”

Soobin locks their hands again and places it onto his stomach. “I will. When you are ready.”

For a brief moment, that thing that had flashed in his hyung’s eyes became apparent. It was fondness.

It leaked through the crevices of his monolid and trickle down his face like tears of joy and warmth. His hyung was looking at him in fondness.

“Can we tell them tomorrow then?”

Soobin merely smiles at him. A gentle twitch of lips that sent sparks down the boy’s spine. Slowly, his eyes disappear into crescents as he nods.

“Yeah, baby. Anything you want.”

Huening Kai grins at that.

“What about that other thing we’re supposed to talk about? You feeling rejected thing?” Huening Kai prompts.

Huening Kai’s head rolls forward as Soobin laughs. “Nah, not tonight. Let’s sleep.”

“But, hyung.”

“Sleep, Hyuka."

He basks in this moment much like he would bask in the rush of adrenaline on stage. Though, now, instead of the heavy base and endless screaming he revels in the cold caress of the blanket in contrast to the warmth of Soobin’s black hoodie. Curled into his hyung knowing that the managers cannot access their room less they knock, Huening Kai lets the dust sift around them, dancing in the air in tune with the brassy tune of New York traffic.

When Soobin turns them around to spoon him and the arm around his waist tightens, Huening Kai can only push himself further into his hyung’s warmth. It has been relentless, Soobin’s weird bursts of flirtation, and perhaps that was a whole other box for them to unpack. But he knows, he’s sure, that the two of them can jump past any hurdle thrown their way and navigate through the lost. They could defeat all their problems one by one, together, as the weeks go.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it has been... a ride. 
> 
> i know i said that i would be back in june yet it's july and i'm posting the final chapter of this tiny drab collection (BUT FOR A GOOD REASON!) i graduated high school in may and throughout june i've just been taking care of my university arrangements. today in exactly 10 hours i'll be receiving my exam results which will determine whether or not i will go to university, as in get an unconditional offer from them. i saw it fitting to close this drab along with the conclusion of my academic efforts since i first started this whole collection during my mock exams. 
> 
> NOW FOR THE OTHER REASON BEHIND ITS CLOSURE 
> 
> i've just recently gotten back into txt and saw all the new sookai moments and i am THRIVING! i wanted to do so much more for them but felt confined to stick to the theme of as the weeks go, so for everyone's sake i've decided to end this to make a new... actual fanfiction about them two instead of just a collection of rambles. yes, fanfiction, as in with actual plot and stuff (think about the origins chapter but as a whole fic.) 
> 
> so i wanted to say thank you to my readers. thank you to everyone who has supported this work thus far. your comments have made writing infinitely better and i am so sorry for the long wait. i hope all of you are doing well, if you're not i hope you get better soon. i love you with everything in me and i'll see you soon. 
> 
> p.s. i deleted my txt fan acc on twitter (soobinire) and officially quit that damned gc!! come talk to me on my main where i also write aus <3 
> 
> twt: FAIRYJ00N (with zeroes instead of o) 
> 
> love,   
> lala


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